Because You're Mine (A Tom Hiddleston Fanfic) #Wattys2016 #pfcc2k16

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Reality Checks And Involuntary Confessions.

                  

You don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies.

*****

Her voice reaches my unready, incredulous ears loud and clear. The words she just articulated are now fully absorbed by my cerebral matter, and I can feel how hardly all of my brain cells are working to make some sense out of them.

The timbre of her voice , as long as I can tell -given that there is a humming in my ears that makes everything else sound dulled and distant­-, is not one that I've heard before; and I can already notice how my heart begins to relish in the fact that there's no Scottish accent embellishing her speech.

But that is the only thing in which I could ever be able to find some sort of solace. Everything else about this awful situation I just found myself in, it's unbelievably messed up.

She called him Babe...

There is no point for me to lie to myself about that, or even trying to come up with an innocent explanation for the use of such intimate nickname. She used it and he responded to it rather naturally, therefore, I can only deduce that this is not the first time she called him that.

And she talked about staying home. She didn't say your or my house, she said home.  And although that small detail could be completely overlooked by most people, to me, it certainly doesn't. The most fundamental difference that lies between those two expressions is nothing less than the final nail in the coffin that is our relationship.

If I ever held some kind of hope that we'd make it through this, is now being buried six feet under the ground.

This frantic rummaging going on inside of me seems to be taking minutes, if not hours. But surprisingly enough, when I look back up, the only hand of the clock that has changed its position is the seconds. Quickly, I try to gather the little clarity I have scattered within me, and I try to resume the sentence I was stringing together just before I got disrupted.

"I'll tell him you called, alright?" I say with a surprisingly steady voice.

Now, I am the one who can't wait to push the red button on this call. She keeps talking on the background, this time a little bit farther from the speaker, but close enough for me to catch a few words. And the way she talks to him, all flirty and annoying, is corroding my patience to the point where I'm afraid of what I might do. Or say.

That is why I couldn't find anger or anything else in his voice. He is not mad at me anymore because he has moved on to next best thing. And I can't really blame him for that, because I know that I am the one who pushed him in that direction. To be completely honest, I wasn't expecting for him to be pining over me or drinking his heart out in my name, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting this either.

"Ok, thank you" he responds with what I think is a bit of hesitation. But it could just be the fact that he may be giving his undivided attention to the whore who just asked him if he liked what she was wearing, so he has no idea what I just said, "I'd appreciate that"

"Sure"

"So... How you've been?" he asks as the sound of a door getting shut comes from his side of the line. I hadn't notice how low he was talking until now, that I can hear him a bit better.

If I was not sitting right now, I know that my body would've started to crumble down on me, legs first. Why is he asking me this question? How do I even answer to it? Because of my wrong-doings and shady decisions, I have lost the right to be honest about the things that I have been going through since I've lost them. Scratch that, since I let him walk.