Because You're Mine (A Tom Hiddleston Fanfic) #Wattys2016 #pfcc2k16

Here With Me.

                  

Don't want your memory in my head now. I want you here with me...

*****

"... I know how it all sounded it. I heard it and it's so silly, but every time I try to convince myself that it doesn't really matter; that all we've shared after that means so much more, it always comes down to that. And I feel childish and sad... and I end up doing childish things, you know?"

While she was talking, letting out from her chest that thing that she couldn't bring herself to say out loud for so long, we sat together on the curb; side by side.

Her body is slightly pressed against mine and her bare legs are crossed together so she can sit comfortably without revealing what's underneath her dress. Every five seconds, I think to myself that this is not the right place to have this conversation, but every six seconds, I am convinced that now that I've got her to talk to me, I won't risk her shutting me out again by suggesting that we move the party to a better place.

This cold, gray and empty sidewalk will have to suffice.

We don't look at each other, for her eyes are fixated on the lamppost across the street, and for the last couple of minutes, I'd stare at the exact same spot, listening to her silently and trying to decipher what is it about that light that she finds so reassuring.

But maybe she doesn't even know what she's staring at, and all she really wants to do is avoid the judgement that she thinks she'll find in my eyes.

She lets out a huff, diverting her green eyes down to her intertwined and fidgety fingers. Just when a car passes by, I think I hear her say 'of course you know' under her breathe and I can perceive the self-loathing painted all over her tone and her body language.

And I can't bear it. I simply can't abide for her to be feeling like this, regardless of all the things that I still want to say to her and force her to hear.

She's too beautiful to be frowning like this; too precious and ridiculously bright to be dimming down into just a spark of the fire that she really is.

"Isn't it funny? That the first thing we both noticed about each other was our past?" I ask her covering her restless hands with mine and for the first time since we sat down, she looks at me. "I saw your tattoo and you... smelled her perfume" I add, trying to be relaxed about it, without making her feel like I don't take her seriously.

"I suppose it is, funny" she responds with uncertainty, "And I thought about that a lot. But I think that the reason why it bothers me so much is because back then, it wasn't your past what I noticed... It was your present. She was your present when you invited me to your trailer. She was very much in your life when you slid your hand under my sweater, or when you were lying on my bed, with me atop of you... "

"Clem, I don't..."

With a quick tug, her hands slide out from my fingers and one of them is now resting on my cheek, caressing it softly, almost as if she were not quite sure whether she had permission to touch me or not.  With a slight tilt of my head against her palm, I let her know that she does.

She will always have it, no matter what. And that is both my strength and my weakness.

"Let me do this. Let me just say all of this right now, even if we both know how nonsensical it is..." she says quietly while her thumb is now perched on my lips. I nod and she carries on: "Like I told you before, the second you sat down behind me, I was drawn to you... without even knowing who you were or how you looked like. There was this powerful thing that kept pulling me towards you, and it was impossible for me to resist it... You know that"

Of course I do; it was a two-way thing. I nod again, this time with a smile.

"I couldn't fight it and neither could you. And that felt so amazing and scary at the same time" she continues, placing her other hand on the other side of my face.

She is so close, and she has no idea that the contact of her skin against mine has ignited something wild and esurient within me. But even though she has a green light to touch me, I'm not sure that I do. And I so badly want to.

"I was yours since before I even laid eyes on you, and I thought you were mine as well. And I'm not saying that you weren't" she rushes to say when she notices that I am about to break my vow of temporary silence, "All I'm saying is that, when I discovered that is was her all over you back then, I knew that you weren't just mine"

"I was!" I blurt out through her thumb, involuntarily jerking my head backwards and putting myself out of her reach. But I miss her touch already so I lean closer to her, grabbing her by the wrists and putting both of her hands against my chest, "I still am. And always will be... Only yours"

The saddest of all smiles creeps on her lips, tired and defeated. Her eyes glistening with yet another lot of tears ready to shower down her face.

"Are you... still mine? I thought you said you were done trying," she whispers haltingly, "... And I don't blame you for that. I really don't... Hell! I couldn't blame you if I wanted. And I need you to know that I don't think you're my enemy... but that doesn't mean that I'm not yours"

When she tries to recover her hands, either to walk away from me, or to wipe the tears off of her eyes, I make sure to tighten my fists, and I keep her right where she is and where I want her to be.

"I'll tell you what" I say to her, searching for her eyes so I can look straight into them while I place my offer, "Ask me to do it once more, and I will fight the battle..." My voice comes out surprisingly poised, considering that this whole thing might have a brutal ending, "But know this, love... If you decide to come back to me, I will take it as a binding promise that you won't run away from us ever again"

She is not looking at me; she's piercing right through me. I can see that her mind is racing at the speed of light and I can only guess –and hope– that her heart is following suit.

"Do it... One last time"

And with that, my entire body gets granted with the permission to claim her. Just like I've been longing for since the second I realized that I could not remember when was the last time that I kissed her or touched her.

Was it at my place, when we came back from my mother's house? Was it the next day, when I went to pick her up for lunch but she blew me off? I don't really remember. All I know is that I am kissing her now and it feels like bloody heaven on bloody Earth. And that, I had never forgotten.

Her mouth welcomes me eagerly as her arms twist around my neck, pulling me towards her.

With every stroke of our tongues, I can taste the alcohol she had been drinking until I showed up, and I could swear I am getting a bit tipsy because of it.

But I can't say that it actually matters. Because whenever she kisses me, I always get drunk on her anyways.

A/N:

This update came really fast because not only I am really inspired and because I have a lot of free time this week (I am on vacation from work), but because the final chapters are the ones I have been thinking about since the first time I even thought about posting this story on Wattpad.

So... Since the end is coming (one chapter and the epilogue are next) I was thinking that, if you guys are up for it, you could write a small review (without major spoilers, of course) of the story or a short opinion of it and I could put it on the description for potential future readers to read...

Anyway, if you feel like it, send me a PM and we'll talk.

Now... What you guys thought of this one?

See you in the comments!

Love, Lucy <3

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