The sun pulled up. My eyes stayed shut, and no matter how hard I pushed at them to open, they just wouldn't. The first thing I would see when I sat up in bed everyday was Dally's sweater on my dresser. It had never been touched since he died. Never worn.
When I finally did sit up the first thing I did, out of sheer anger and sadness was grab it and throw it across the room. I kicked it, spat on it. Ripped it.
When I heard the seam tear, I choked and fell to the floor with it in my arms. I apologized over and over again. I swore that I didn't mean it... It was just that, five years is so long to be without Dally. I haven't looked at another boy the way I looked at Dally in five years. I never will.
I say that with unfortunate confidence.
I ran to the washer machine and threw it in, cleaning all the dust.. and saliva off of it. When it was done and dry I pulled out a needle and some thread and tended to the rip between the shoulder and the arm.
"Dally..." I whispered between tears as I pushed and pulled the needle through the soft fabric inside the jacket. "Dally, where are you?"
Knock, knock, knock...
"Dally?" I cried racing to the door. When I peeled it back, there stood Ponyboy with a few lilies in his hand.
"Dally?" Pony questioned. "Doll, Dally's been gone for a long time." He frowned at the lilies like he had forgotten that he brought them, and then looked up enthusiastically handing them to me. "For you."
I tried to smile, for Pony's sake. Lord knows I tried, But I couldn't. I took the flowers into the kitchen and put them into a vase.
Resuming my position sewing Dally's jacket, Pony sat opposite to me and sighed.
"You know, doll, I'm real sorry. I know you miss ol' Dallas. Hell, we all do. Two wouldn't even talk through breakfast this mornin'. But, doll, you've gotta let go."
I threw my hands down in anger. I cut my hand.
"How can I, Ponyboy?" I hollered. "Dallas Winston was the light of my life. I don't know why everyone thought he was such a bad guy. He wasn't anything anyone thought of him. He brought out something in me that I never knew existed, and I'll never get that back. He was sweet and he loved me. The only one to ever love me." I set aside the jacket and sobbed violently in my palms, smearing blood on my face.
"Dollface, please," Pony whimpered, "Dally really did love you. He loved you with all his heart-"
"Then why'd he leave me?" I cried standing up to head to the washroom.
"Listen. He loved you, But he knew more than anythin' that he was no good for you. He knew he would've dragged you down to his level," he followed me, "The confusion with lovin' you, and Johnny's dyin'.. it was too much for him to handle. He wasn't thinkin'."
"I know he wasn't."
Pony turned my shoulders to face him, and wet some tissue to clean my face. "But he loved you so much, that I know he wouldn't want you to be hurtin' so badly over him." He rummaged through my cabinets and found some bandage to wrap my hand in. "And you, Doll, have gotta take care of yourself. And if you don't, you'll be seein' a lotta Ponyboy more of'en."
I grinned, and while I wasn't even aware I did, Ponyboy shot me a look of pure excitement.
"There we go, Doll!" He brought my entire body in for a really tight hug. "There we go, now. Everything will be okay."
I wrapped my arms around him, letting myself be vulnerable. Pony just wanted me to be okay, and I realize that. But it's harder on some days than others.
"Pony, I don't want to be alone anymore," I sighed. He pulled away from me and put his hands on my shoulders.
"Well, I'll tell you somethin', miss. I can fix that very quick. C'mon!" He ran and grabbed Dally's jacket. He threw the needle away and shoved me into it. Then he pulled me onto his back and ran with me down the street. I held onto him for dear life, as the chilled air ran it's course through my hair.
Pony brought me to the famous theatre of Tulsa, and threw me in a seat right next to him.
The rest of that day, Ponyboy was all I saw. His greasy hair messed up in the wind, and his smile with remaining popcorn kernels in it.
I missed Dally more than words could describe, but... I'm fairly sure that Ponyboy's on a mission to fix me.
And I'll let him.
