Lapis and Peridot

Life Changes, Rearranges

[Peridot's POV]

I know it's been only an hour, so why does it feel like a month? My sense of time must be confused. My whole mind must be confused, for that matter. I just can't concentrate on my work! I keep thinking about Lapis, which is so distracting...! I was sitting in my magnetically-suspended floating seat in the control room, trying to keep from growling in frustration. My leg hung from the edge of the chair, clanking against the ground as I swung it around irritably. I was trying to find whatever information I could about the Cluster - see if there was anything I missed - but I kept zoning out and finding that I had looked at the same thing five times without taking it in. I had to collect myself... But I had already tried to do so countless times, and failed every time. I could still feel my cheeks grow warm when I considered how I had lost my composure.

Well, look on the bright side, I tried to cheer myself up. Jasper hasn't bothered me in a while. I wonder what she's doing? She can't still be checking the escape pods, but I would know if she left the ship... I settled into an uneasy cycle of checking on Jasper, then trying to work and failing, then checking on Jasper again. It was useless, though; my mind wandered.

I groaned aloud. Fine, I give up. My emotions are too strong for me, weakling as I am... I had already gone to speak with Lapis; I couldn't do so again, not so soon, or she'd know I was weak. But I could just look, without anyone knowing. Quickly I double-checked where Jasper was (somewhere in the other end of the ship, probably stomping around irritably) and then slid over to the view from the camera in Lapis' cell. I settled down to watch. It wasn't as if Lapis was doing anything particularly interesting, just leaning against the wall in a seated position and drumming her fingers on the floor, but I watched her as I tried to sort my thoughts. Organizing them methodically had done me no good, but perhaps I could try a different system, just separating work from "other thoughts" - that might work. Really, all those other thoughts concerned Lapis Lazuli, but somehow just her being there made me wonder about myself, too; I was used to accepting orders, not thinking about them - but now Lapis was forcing me to adjust my thoughts, and I found myself overwhelmed by the sheer power of my newfound emotions. It was rather pathetic, but every time I was around Lapis I just couldn't think logically. I wanted to be kind to her, and the feeling was quite unnerving. Kind? It was nearly a foreign word.

Lapis stirred in her cell, interrupting my thoughts. She stood up, stretching her limbs and wobbling unsteadily. She steadied herself against the wall of her cell, then looked around. I caught a glimpse of her face as she did so, noting flushed cheeks and a slightly embarrassed expression. Soon she was standing in the center of the cell, perfectly still; and then she was moving gracefully around, turning and waving her arms - dancing. As she did, I caught a view of her face a few times: at first she seemed self-conscious and slightly embarrassed, but soon she seemed to relax and just flow. Her dance was like water, flowing and gentle, then rushing and speeding suddenly and wildly and then all of a sudden it pooled, slowing down... and then WHOOSH, a waterfall of motion. It was captivating. For a long time I simply stayed still and watched.

Could I do that? I wondered. Could I... dance? I looked down at my limb enhancers. Hmm. Probably not. At least, not with my limb enhancers on. But I wasn't going to take them off - not for no good reason. I did take them off once a year or so, or whenever they needed an update or some maintenance, but other than that I kept them on all the time. It made me feel strange when I wasn't wearing them, like I was naked. And I had never let anyone see me without them, not since I invented and started wearing them. Most gems probably didn't know I had touch stumps and gravity connectors of my own. I had heard theories about prosthetic limbs, or my being part robot. Ridiculous. But I had been asked by Yellow Diamond to make limb enhancers for all Peridots, and so I did. Limb Enhancers and Robonoids were both my own inventions.

Lapis stopped dancing with a final spin. She then sank down to the ground, lying on her back in the center of the room. After a minute she tensed and drew herself into the far corner of the room. Before long I saw why: Jasper was coming. Curious, I turned on audio. At first the only sound was the hum of machinery, punctuated by Jasper's thumping footsteps and muffled grumbles. The footsteps stopped.

"What are you doing, brat?" Jasper growled.

"N-nothing," Lapis' voice trembled slightly.

"You were doing something!"

"I- I-" Lapis blinked, hesitated, and then suddenly shook her head decisively. "Well, if I was, it doesn't matter for you."

Jasper was as surprised as I was. I could tell by her momentary silence and incredulous tone once she spoke: "What did you say?"

"I said, it's none of your business!"

"Why you- little- ARRRRRRGGHHHH I'm going to see Peridot! She'll punish you for this!" And Jasper stomped off. I knew I should prepare, but just before I switched the audio off, I heard Lapis mumble something.

Something that sounded a lot like, "I hope I was right about Peridot, then... I hope she isn't a monster."

~~

Am I a monster?