Lapis and Peridot

Do you forgive me?

[Lapis' POV]

After almost fifteen minutes of sobbing, wailing, and bemoaning my stupidity, I realized how pointless it was to cry like that. My sobs died down eventually, and for a long time I just lay on the ground in silence, talking to myself.

"I wonder what Peridot thinks of me now," I whispered. "She probably hates me... I don't blame her either. I deserve to be hated. I deserve to be trapped. I deserve to be shattered. I just... I just..." Tears threatened to overcome me again. "I hate this! I hate it! I just have too much time to think in this stupid cell!"

Time passed as I spoke to myself. I was quiet only once, as Jasper stomped by my cell. She seemed in a very bad mood, so I didn't want to draw attention to myself. Then I picked up where I left off.

"It's actually pretty interesting that Peridot has those metal limb things. I wonder why she has them," I mumbled to myself. "They're pretty cool. Without them, her hand is so small. Kinda cute. I wonder if her legs are really small too... Hah, Peridot might even be smaller than me! That would actually be nice. There aren't too many gems who are smaller than me. I think she might have been becoming my friend, until... until I ruined it all..." I sighed. The suddenly, I froze. A voice was coming into my cell, distorted and robotic, as if it came from a radio.

"Lazuli," the voice was Peridot's. She trailed off, then picked up again. "I'm coming back to your cell now. But if you touch me–" her voice was suddenly threatening.

"I won't touch you. Don't worry." I wasn't going to make that mistake again any time soon. I didn't know if she could hear me, but I spoke on the off-chance that she might. The intercom made a few crackling sounds, then there was silence again. I waited apprehensively for Peridot to arrive. She was wearing her arm-thing again, just as it had been before. So I hadn't damaged it – that was good.

"Lazuli–"

"Please can you call me Lapis?"

"Lapis, then." I was surprised by her agreeing so easily. Maybe she wasn't as furious as I had thought? Maybe the hour or two had been enough to give her time to calm down? "Lapis– uh–" Suddenly Peridot gave a sigh and shook her head. "Lapis, this isn't going to work." She opened the barrier and stepped into my cell. "I... I can't be your friend."

I felt my eyes fill with tears again. "Wh– why? Because you're afraid you'll be shattered, and me along with you? I'm going to be shattered anyway, aren't I? And nobody has to find out! It could be our secret!"

"Lapis...." Peridot took a deep breath and then sat down on the floor of my cell. She closed the barrier behind her. "Sit over there, next to me. But don't touch me," she commanded. I obliged. "Listen. I've been one of Yellow Diamond's favorites, ever since I was small. I've always done what she told me to do. I invented my limb enhancers, and I've worn them ever since I built the first prototype. Then you came along and suddenly you're turning my world upside down. It's not working, Lapis! It's just not going to work! I can't be your friend. I can't just suddenly turn my back on everything I've ever known– oh, come on Lapis, don't cry."

"How can I not cry?" It was hard to make my words understandable. "Peridot, I'm not asking you to turn your back on everything. I'm not even asking you to be my friend. I'm just asking you to try and understand!"

"But Lapis, don't you understand? Every time I think of you, it distracts me from my work, from my mission. Right now I'm here, speaking to you, when I should be in the control room, working. When you removed my limb enhancer–" I gulped. Was she going to work herself into a temper by thinking about it? Her voice became a little harsher, but otherwise the topic didn't seem to affect her. "–well, you were the first gem to see me without it for years. It made me realize what an effect you were having on me. I can't let this happen, Lapis, don't you see? I can't let my emotions get ahold of me. If I do... well..."

Her speech had given me enough time to compose myself. Now I spoke, trying to be logical. "Okay, Peridot, I understand that you feel way out of your depth. What I don't understand is why you're just rejecting everything new." Peridot stared at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that just because you've never felt emotions before you're dismissing them as bad."

"That's not why. Everyone's always told me emotions make me weak! I don't want to be weak!"

"I do understand, Peri. I do." Oops, I just called her Peri again...

Peridot looked at me funny but didn't comment on my slip-up. "I don't think you do. But I just can't get control of my emotions! It's so frustrating–" something on her arm began to beep quietly. "Oh my stars. Jasper's coming."

"What?!"

"Jasper's coming." Peridot's eyes were wide, panicky. I made a split-second decision. It wasn't the best decision but there was no time to think. Within a few seconds I had helped Peridot to her feet, pushed her against the wall, and stood in front of her, almost hugging her, trying to hide her from view. Please let Jasper just pass by, please, please, PLEASE...

It wasn't long before Jasper came into view. As she walked down the corridor toward my cell, eyes on the ground in front of her, I bit my lip and held my breath. Please.

Jasper passed by with nary a glance my way.

"Thank the stars," Peridot breathed. I was so close that I could feel her relaxing as Jasper disappeared around the corner. "Uh, Lapis... let me go now."

I stepped aside and just watched as she fixed her slightly mussed hair and straightened her visor. She brushed off her clothes, tweaked her limb enhancers, and finally took a deep breath. Then she looked up at me.

"Thank you," she told me quietly. "I forgive you. I know you didn't mean to take my limb enhancer off, and you did have good reason for touching me... this time. I just ask that you don't take my touch-stump again... by the way," and for a moment she looked embarrassed and her cheeks flushed, "w–what did you think, when you saw me without my enhancers? Were you horrified, or, or–"

I cut her off. "I was certainly surprised. But you know what, Peridot... You were actually kinda cute."

Peridot's face turned dark green. "Don't call me cute!"

"Alright, I won't call you cute. But you are, anyway."

Peridot looked like she didn't know whether to be angry or not. I just smiled mischievously. Life would be boring if I didn't tease – I couldn't give up on that! – and Peridot, like it or not, was a perfect culprit.

We'd just have to continue our 'feelings' conversation a little later.