Lapis and Peridot

Time

[Peridot's POV]

Time passed, as it always does. It seemed to jump about, which I knew was totally illogical, but still it felt true: when I was with Lapis, time flew; when I was alone, time crept; when Jasper was there, time stopped. And although I knew it made no sense, I was starting to trust my feelings a little bit more. At least, I no longer denied that I felt that way. My life aboard ship settled into a new routine: first, I would speak with Lapis; then I would check up on Jasper to make sure she wasn't doing anything she wasn't supposed to. Afterwards, I'd work for a while, maintaining the ship and fixing up everything that needed it; I'd make my daily report to Yellow Diamond, always refraining from telling her anything unnecessary about Lapis; and finally I'd go speak with my blue prisoner once again. Although I generally didn't think of her as my prisoner, because she didn't feel like a prisoner and I never felt like punishing her.

I hadn't given up on telling myself that I shouldn't be acting on my feelings, but the emotional part of me was growing stronger and stronger, no matter how I tried to keep it down. Slowly I was giving up. Each conversation with Lapis seemed to tear away more of my grand ideas about Homeworld; I found myself wishing I knew what it had been like before Yellow Diamond took power... wondering if it wasn't perhaps better back then. I was coming close to treasonous thoughts, but as long as I held my tongue at all the right times, nogem had to know.

And soon – soon we would arrive on earth. There were thirteen days left, twelve, ten, then only a week left as our arrival loomed closer. I dreaded it, knowing that once we arrived, Lapis and I would have no more time to spend together: we would check on the Cluster, then head back home via the warp pad that we would have to repair, and that would be it. Forever. Because Lapis would doubtless be shattered. And then I would have to move on, and follow orders, and act as if nothing was wrong.

But I couldn't let that spoil my remaining time with the blue gem.

~~

"So you're saying you don't know who it was that forced you into your gem, cracked it, and put it into the mirror?" I was sitting beside Lapis near the wall of her cell. She leaned back against it comfortably; I sat with my back straight to avoid rumpling my hair.

"Yeah, I really don't know who. The last thing I remember is a giant battlefield – I was fighting for Blue Diamond, you see – and the cracking sound my gem made and then I was just – poof – and next thing I knew I was in the mirror." Lapis shivered. I tried to imagine it, but couldn't. "Have you had any horrific experiences, Peri? Or have you just lived the high life, always?"

"Nothing compared to what you've been through," I replied, tapping the ground with one of my touch stumps. I wore my arm attachments and leg enhancers most of the time, although slowly I was getting  used to not wearing them. It still bugged me that Lapis called me cute, but that didn't really matter. "Yellow Diamond's always testing her subjects, though. She has us see what happens to disobedient gems, so that we always follow her rule... Once she had me watch as a defective Peridot was shattered, right in front of my eyes... It was a Peridot who had disobeyed orders, had shown compassion to a prisoner. They tied the gem up, struggling and wailing, and then they just..." I shivered.

I felt a cool touch on my touch stumps where they were settled on the ground. My eyes darted over to see Lapis' hand placed gently over mine. Lapis saw me looking and blushed slightly, but kept her hand there.

"I won't let that happen to you," she told me, and though I knew her words couldn't be backed up, I wanted to believe her.

"And I'll try to keep you from being shattered," I replied. The sense of her hand on mine seemed to give me courage. "Lapis, you know that once we finish this mission, you might be shattered? You were only of use as an informant, and afterwards, you'll be deemed useless by Yellow Diamond? I don't think you're useless, but..."

Lapis' grasp on my hand tightened slightly. "I know," she replied softly. "Do you think there's any chance that they might go easy on me?"

"Perhaps," I replied. "If you go along with everything you're ordered to do, though... maybe they'll give you a chance to redeem yourself. And I'll do my best to keep them from shattering you."

"You promise to do your best to keep me from being destroyed?"

"Yes," I curled my touch-stumps around hers, feeling a surge of protectiveness for my prisoner, informant, confidante, and – maybe – friend. "Yes, I promise."

~~

Another day, another scene. Lapis was leaning on the wall while I paced around the center of my cell. "Have you ever fused?" Lapis asked me in a dreamy tone.

"No. Fusion is frowned upon in the Diamond Authority. It's just a way to make weak gems more powerful."

"What about fusions like Garnet? You know, the Crystal Gem. She's not fused for power. Ruby and Sapphire fused because they love each other."

I sighed. We had already discussed Ruby and Sapphire, how they had been separate at first, both gems in Lapis' acquaintance all those millennia ago. Then they had rebelled, gathered around Rose Quartz and helped her in battle. They had fused to form Garnet at some point, and liked it so much they remained that way.

"Love just makes gems weak," I replied, falling back on my old arguments.

"Then why is it that a fusion like Garnet, who embodies the love of Ruby and Sapphire, is so powerful?"

I didn't know how to reply to that. "...I don't know... Have you ever fused, Lapis?"

"Well... yes."

"Doesn't it bother you that when you fuse, you lose yourself?"

"When you fuse, you don't lose yourself, Peri. Unless it's an unstable fusion. Those are the real evils of fusion. The fusions brought together by hate..."

"Hmmm."

~~

"You want to teach me how to sleep? Why would I want to sleep?"

"It's relaxing, Peri. And I think it would do you good." Lapis was lying on her back in the center of the cell. I was standing at the entrance, having just closed the barrier.

"Good? Lapis, I've survived as long as I have without this... sleep. I'll be fine."

"Oh, come on, please try it."

I sighed. "I suppose I could."

Lapis told me to lay down. I hesitated. "Oh, come on, Peridot. I'm not going to hurt you. Actually it'll probably be best if you take off your... never mind."

"Yeah, I'm not taking off my limb enhancers," I replied in response to her implied words. I had picked up a few casual phrases from Lapis. "Yeah" instead of yes, for instance. Gingerly, I lay down on my back next to Lapis. I winced as my hair got messed up by the floor. I liked it neat, but oh well – sacrifices must be made for friends. I was now used to thinking of Lapis as my friend. Friend. "Now what do I do?"

Lapis propped herself up on her side. "Relax. Just close your eyes and... just..." she shrugged. "Drift away. Like this." Lying back down, she closed her eyes. She was stock still. I looked at her for a moment, thinking, then closed my eyes and tried to do this 'sleeping' thing. It probably didn't work, so I opened my eyes. I did sink into a sort of a daze, just staring up at the ceiling and not thinking about anything in particular.

I jolted back to consciousness a while later when something grabbed hold of my arm. I quickly but carefully turned my head to the side. Lapis was hugging my arm, pulling me towards her. I closed my eyes again, savoring the moment. Perhaps sleeping wasn't working, but it didn't matter. At least I had Lapis.

~~

"Lapis?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

For many things, I wanted to say. For being there for me. For teaching me about friendship and about feelings. For telling me that it's okay to care. For hugging me, even though you didn't do it consciously. For making me decide that I could change my own life. For standing up to Jasper and showing me that I could fight against the big and the powerful.

"For being yourself."