The Sacrifice

Chapter 17: Listen To Your Heart

*Ashley's POV*

I hate that I ran away and left Dean like that but I cannot go home because if I do that, John and Sherlock will blame Dean and the others for something that I had done; No one was to blame but myself after harming Castiel like that. I now sit huddled by a tunnel entrance and wept not just tears of bitterness and sorrow, but of old wounds that I thought I had recovered from. I cannot believe that I did that! I just wanted him to get away from me, not almost break his back and possibly killing him because I was scared and I did not want him that close to me. The question though is why did my supposed powers come out now and not before? Why am I such a bigger freak; a bigger burden now than I have ever been? If John and Sherlock found out, they may not want me around anymore and send me back to America...I cannot do that because I am not ready to deal with mom again!

I am honestly scared. I felt like my entire life was not anything of my making. I feel like I am a pawn in this damn game and I just want the other guy to say Checkmate now and get me out of this stupid fight! I had no say, no original thoughts about my own life until I left for Stanford. I had felt freedom, happiness and even some peace, so much that I was not afraid to come to England and away from all the control that I was put under. Nevertheless, even now, I am being told what to do and how to act by someone who does not know what it is like to be in my mind. Yes, I hate myself and if not for reasons like I failed a test or hurt someone's feelings; I failed my family and I hurt someone physically while placing myself as a burden on the family that I love more than my own life. I swore I would never end up like my father! I would never raise a hand to anyone because I refuse to let anyone suffer and yet, I still had put physical harm on Castiel as well as mental and possibly emotional pain on Dean after he saw me fling his friend, his very best friend into the wall like a doll.

I sit still huddled in a ball, trying to stop the tears from falling when yelling brings me back to reality and I see a small puppy, no bigger than a yorkie run and hide beside me and I can see a man coming up with stick and in a drunken stupor. I see the small pooch cuddle closer to me and I can tell that it is out of fear so I hold the dog to my side. "Girl, I would let him go if you want to keep from meeting my stick too! I got to beat that little bastard before he thinks he can do anything he wants without punishment." He spreads venom out of his mouth as I feel my anger flare before standing up to that older man, not caring that I could possibly be hurt. I may have been raised to respect my elders but when it comes to something as sweet and innocent as this dog, I do not care if he hits me but not an innocent being.

"What exactly did the dog do that has you so pissed exactly? Hell, he is still a puppy and you want to beat him for something that most puppies do?" I scream as he gets ready to hit me with his stick but I then hear a loud yell to see the small puppy had bit the man on the leg and was then running away from the man, as if leading me away to safety. If the puppy did not do that, I would have almost caused real physical harm to that man because I did not have my emotions in check. I did not waste any time as I ran and followed the sweet puppy before hiding him with me in an alleyway only to hear the man run past and I slide down the wall, holding the small brownish dog in my arms as he licked my face. I realized we were at the tunnel entrance for some kind of homeless center or possibly a gathering for those that are in deeper poverty than others.

"You certainly caused some problems didn't you little guy." I ask with a slight smile on my face as he yipped loudly and licked my face again. I did always want a dog but I knew that Mom and Matthew would hate him and I do not think anyone at the Flat would like if I brought a dog home. He looked at me with big brown eyes and it was as if he was telling me that I was safe with him, that he was my friend. I sit the small dog down as I stand against the wall. "You should go home little guy, I don't want you to get in trouble. Go on...Go home and be with your human." I force a smile as he yips and starts walking away but I felt like I could have just lost something important and close to me but I know that I should not bring a dog into this kind of problems; the demons that I face in my mind.