Clean ⇔ Cashton ✓

You'll Have To Watch Me Struggle From Several Rooms Away

CALUM

The entire room is silent, like everyone is holding their breath. I stare in shock down at the scene in front of me, Luke's face turns towards me with a honest and firm expression, his hands holding out the jewelry box like a gift. His face looks so kind, so honest, that it makes it so hard to even try to speak.

I try and swallow the panic building up in my throat, my mind completely blank. My heart throbs painfully loud in my chest, and my hands start to shake. I clasp them together so no one will see.

The feeling of everyone's eyes on me makes me want to break down and cry, but my feet are planted on the ground like rocks. I turn my head and Luke catches my eye.

"Will you marry me?" he repeats, and everyone looks to me for the answer. I look down at Luke's face, and I see a slight flicker in his eyes. His eyes narrow just the tiniest bit.

It feels someone is clutching onto my throat as I speak. "Yes," I manage to say. I don't recognize my voice when I say the word.

Luke breaks into a smile, slowly getting back up to his feet. I look to my left and I see my family staring happily up at me, clapping appreciatively. Andy looks satisfied. I glance to my right and I see Jack and Ben. They're faces are filled with shock and a mix of something else, they're eyes wide as they stare at me. They aren't clapping until they shake themselves out of their trance and realize everyone else is, and they quietly join in, seeming a bit shaken up.

I can see them whispering to one another out of the corner of my eye as I turn back towards Luke, my heart beating terribly hard in my chest. My hands shake a little as Luke takes the ring out of the box and slips it onto my finger. The ring is lined with diamonds, with a great big one in the center. I don't want to think about how much it costs.

The ring is heavy on my finger, seeming like the weight of a thousand bricks. Luke lifts my chin and smashes his lips against mine while everyone happily cheers. Luke cups the back of my neck as he kisses me, his teeth biting down on my lip. I pull away first, my cheeks flushed as I stare at the ring on my finger.

I tell myself to be happy. I should be happy, this is all I've wanted for years. I've dreamed of this moment a million times, and now that it's here, I should be leaping in Luke's arms and relishing in the engagement. But all I feel is panic.

Luke lets me go and he takes my hand, smiling to our families joyfully. I slip my hand out of his as soon as I can without Luke noticing, fidgeting with the ring. My family stands up and heads over to me. Mali squeals loudly and grabs my hand, obsessing over the ring.

"Calum, I'm jealous!" Mali exclaims, her brown eyes alight. "You are so lucky to be marrying a guy like Luke."

Whatever I was going to say sticks like a lump in my throat.

My mother admires the ring. "It's so big! Mali's right. You are lucky."

My father rubs my head, messing up my hair. "Congrats, son."

Jack and Ben slowly walk up to me once my family migrates into the kitchen. They look so similar to Luke it's eerie, and they stand beside each other with concerned faces hidden my forced smiles.

"Calum, congrats," says Jack. "I'm very happy for you." His kind voice eases me a bit.

"Thanks," I say, relaxing a bit.

"Are you excited about it?" Ben asks. "I know Luke is, but are you?"

Jack throws him a look, but Ben doesn't waver. He continues to look at me expectantly. His questions makes me uneasy.

"Of course," I say. Ben looks at me like he doesn't quite believe me, but he just nods.

"Well, if you're ever bored or anything, know that you are welcome over at our house anytime," Ben says. His voice is friendly, but his eyes are firm, like he wants to make sure I'm hearing what he's saying.

I nod quickly. "Thank you."

Ben relaxes a bit and turns to his brother. "Well, let's go to the kitchen, shall we?"

Jack smiles and follows his brother into the kitchen. I carefully walk behind them, peering into the kitchen to find everyone talking loudly and excitedly. Andy is talking about what sounds like to be wedding plans, and my head spins a bit.

I slip past Jack and Ben and tap on Luke's shoulder.

"Yes, babe?" he says cheerfully.

"I'm going to go get some air real quick," I say to him softly. Luke smiles.

"Too excited, huh?" He says, and I don't have the heart to tell him otherwise. "That's fine. Make it quick."

I hurry out of the kitchen and down the hallway, heading to the front door. I grab my coat as I pass, slipping outside and closing the door firmly. I wrap the coat around myself and settle down on the front steps, breathing out softly. My breath fogs up in the cold air.

I let the cold air hit my face and neck, turning my nose red. I manage to catch my breath after a couple minutes, and then I pull back my sleeve to reveal the ring once again. It shines bright in the dimming light outside, sparkling grandly. I touch it gently with my finger, feeling the cold diamonds under my skin. I slowly cover it up again. Looking at it for too long makes my head hurt.

I swallow roughly, trying to get myself together. My eyes swell up with tears, and I curse myself silently as a few escape and travel down my face.

"Stop crying," I tell myself, harshly wiping the tears away. "You're being pathetic."

I gather my breath again, staring up at the night sky to dry out my eyes. The stars are slightly visible, just a few of them out. I stare at them intensely, wishing I could be one of them right now. Hanging in the sky and shining as bright as possible, one piece of beauty in a sky black as night. A light in a world of darkness.

The door opens behind me, and I jump in fright. Luke steps out, sitting down beside me on the steps. I can't seem to look at him in the eye.

"Hey, were you crying?" Luke asks, looking at my swollen and red eyes. I glance at him, and Luke smiles. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, the cold seeming to not affect him at all. "I know. They're happy tears."

I stay silent as Luke turns, brushing back my hair and pressing his lips against my tear streaked cheek. His lips burn like a flame against my skin.

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A/N: i felt bad for leaving u guys hangin last chapter but i have a feeling you arent very happy with this one either

anyway i start school on thursday and i'm sad :(( have ya'll started yet?

thanks for reading! love u. pls vote & comment. u the best.

love you to the moon ! byE