Clean ⇔ Cashton ✓

Epilogue: I Think I Am Finally Clean

EPILOGUE: ASHTON

It's been almost six years since Calum and I officially got together, leaving behind the mess of our pasts and moving on together with each other's help. Six years. It hasn't been easy, but I've never felt happier than where we are in our life now. It doesn't feel like it's been a long time, but looking back, I suppose it has.

Calum wanted to take things slow after his experience with Luke. He told me he went headfirst into the relationship and got himself in too deep without anything to help him get back out. I saw all of that with my own eyes, so I didn't argue. I would wait decades for Calum if that was what it would take.

We got married sometime when Calum was twenty four and I was twenty five. We had a very small wedding that only included family and a few friends. Michael was my best man and he was probably more excited than I was about the wedding. He definitely changed after Luke and Calum ended. Apparently he only stayed away from Calum because he was terrified of the Hemmings's. Not that I blame him.

We bought a house in a better neighborhood after we got married, and we stayed like that for another three years. Calum focused on getting a degree in education at a college downtown and I got promoted to become the head manager of the restaurant. Our old boss stepped down and handed it off to me, which I was immensely grateful for. I like business and I like working in it. It's worked out well, and I can easily help Calum pay for his college tuition without a problem, which was my main concern.

The difference between Calum six years ago and Calum now is astounding. He's happier than ever, constantly smiling and no longer hesitating to ask for what he wants. He's comfortable with being himself and isn't afraid of much anymore, which is a major improvement. He's healed mentally and physically, confident in himself and his achievements, and I couldn't be more proud.

Of course, someone who went through the type of relationship Calum did can never fully heal from it. There are still times when Calum flinches away from people and panics when he breaks something in the sink, but he can calm himself down soon after.

There was a moment about a year ago when Calum was putting away the dishes in the kitchen and accidentally shattered a plate in the kitchen sink, sending glass and shards onto the kitchen floor. When I heard it I had yelled his name and rushed in to make sure he was okay, but Calum thought I was raising my voice at him. He had crumpled against the kitchen counter and shakily bend to his knees, picking up the pieces and murmuring apologies quietly as he worked on cleaning up. I still feel guilty for it. I should have known not to raise my voice in front of him, since I know how Luke always got mad at him if he broke something. I did my best to comfort him and tell him it was okay, but it was terribly agonizing to see how quickly he switched into that old mindset of his from when he lived with Luke. It's like a light switch, fast as can be. One moment he's doing fine and the next he's back in Luke's house, trying to stop the tears running down his cheeks as he wilts under Luke's gaze.

He still doesn't trust people at all when he first meets them, but I don't think that will ever change. Luke has left a scar too large in his mind to keep his faith in humanity strong.

But I expected this. I know someone can't heal completely from that type of abuse, and I do everything in my power to make sure Calum knows that I'm here, with open arms, a shoulder ready to cry on. He knows I love him with all my heart, and he knows he can trust me. That's how we get by together.

It wasn't until we were well into our years of marriage that Calum admitted to me that he wanted to have a kid. It shocked me pretty bad when he first told me, since I listened to him panic over having a kid with Luke for months. Luke was obsessed with the idea of starting a family and it scared Calum every single time he brought it up. I just assumed kids wasn't on his list of things to have.