sebastian stan imagines [ completed ]

Bucky x reader - Bucky on the bridge (imagine) (Marvel)

A/n
Привет everyone!!!
So remember the poem that I published. Yes? Good.
Well the reaction that I got from everyone was amazing and I even got a request to make it into a proper imagine. So this is dedicated to Meowlnir !
I hope that you like it and remember to request!
~Hope

(November 2015)
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Warnings: Suicide attempt, depression, extreme Bucky feels

"The man on the bridge. Who was he?"
"You met him another mission recently" "But I knew him" "he's been out of Cryofreeze too long" "well wipe him and start over". "Yes sir" "Hail HYDRA" "Hail HYDRA!" Bzzzzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzzzzz "arrrrrrgggggggg-"

"Arrrrrrggggggg!" Bucky awoke from another nightmare. He'd been having them everyday since he was rescued.

He told Steve that they had ended awhile ago. He told him that he was feeling better. More Bucky-like. More like a normal man instead of a soviet assassin. He had lied. He wasn't getting better, he was getting worse. Some days he felt so bad that he wished that he wasn't Bucky anymore and just be the Winter Soldier. It was so much simpler then.

Get orders. Follow them. Memories return. Wiping. Freezing. Get orders. Follow them. Memories return. Wiping. Freezing. Etc. Etc. Over and over.

Back then as the soldier he didn't feel anything. Now all he could feel was the bone crushing weight of the guilt, of the resentment, of the pain that he had caused. When he looked in the mirror he didn't see James Buchanan Barnes or The Winter Soldier. He saw a shaggy haired, metal armed, icy eyed monster. He loathed the way that Steve looked at him with kindness and hope yet he loathed the way that others looked at him with hate and fear. When Steve gave him the "you're my best friend" speech, the winter soldier in him wanted to scream and shout, "No I am not. I am an assassin! I am no friend to anyone!" But when he heard the Avengers bitching about him, the Bucky Barnes in him wanted to scream and shout: "No! It wasn't my fault! I never wanted to hurt anyone! Please give me a chance". But he did neither. He sat there stony faced, eyes glazed, saying nothing.

He thought things had got better when she arrived. Y/n L/n. She was his Angel. She was the one that embraced him as he cried like a child after a nightmare. She was the one the that snuggled into his side as they watched TV. She was the one that he could be himself around. With her, he didn't have to pretend to be the old James Buchanan Barnes. She was the one that he gave his heart to.

He loved her. When she wasn't around it was like she had taken the sun and all that was left was the never ending, soul sucking blackness that only ceased when she was back. Things had gotten better until he ruined it.

He hit her. And he didn't stop.

He awoke from a nightmare to her shaking him and cradling him in her warm, homely arms. But Winter had appeared. He struck her with his metal
arm. And while Bucky was screaming in his mind to stop, Winter kept punching. Over and Over.

She never screamed. She understood that it wasn't him. She did nothing as he rammed his iron fist into her soft flesh. She didn't fight when he seized her by the throat and lifted her off the ground. All she did was whimper "Bucky" as he choked the life out of her.

That's when he took control. He banished the Soldier from his mind and held the woman he was previously trying to kill. "Oh what have I done! What have I done!" He cried as he saw her beaten and bruised body. Her throat had become a rainbow of blues and purples as the bruise grew. Her breathing was rapid and shallow and her eyes glistened. But even after what he had done, there was no sign of resentment or hate in those big y/e/c eyes.