Choosing Sarah

Chapter 9

When Sarah woke up, she was in a bed on the women's ward, far away from babies and childbirth. Her heart felt as empty as her arms.

Grant was dozing in a chair next to her bed. He was wearing a different outfit and his face was clean shaven. She studied him as he slept. No one had ever been there for her like he had. She loved him so much. She only wished he felt the same way about her. As if he felt her eyes on him, Grant opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he murmured softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty sore," she answered, wincing as she tried to sit up.

Grant helped her raise the bed so she could sit up a bit. Her hair hung down limply on her shoulders. She knew she must look terrible.

"You slept for quite a while," Grant said, sitting back down. "You were exhausted."

"That's an understatement if ever I heard one," she replied dryly as she tried to get comfortable. "Did you get some sleep?"

"Enough," he replied. "I have to go to work this afternoon, but I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I must be okay if they took away my i.v.,"she noted, glancing at her bare arm.

"The doctor said you should be able to go home tomorrow," Grant said.

Sarah nodded.

"He had other good news, too," Grant added. "He said all the tests came back negative. There was nothing else wrong with the baby. You can have other children and they'll be healthy and normal."

"Other children?" Sarah echoed. When was she going to have other children? She wasn't even married. All she wanted was Angelica.

"Someday you'll get married and have a family," Grant continued. "Don't give up on that."

"Angelica was supposed to be my family," Sarah said, feeling a tear roll down her cheek.

Grant reached over and grabbed her hand. He squeezed her fingers gently, trying to make her feel better.

"I know you loved her, Sarah, but she's gone. I've set up a special burial service for her this weekend. We can lay her to rest and maybe have some closure."

"What if I don't want closure?" Sarah suddenly said, starting to cry. "What if I want my baby back?"

"Sarah, there's nothing you can do about that. You need to accept what's happened and move on."

"I'm not ready to move on," she cried. "It just happened."

"I know. I was here, remember? It's hard for me, too. But life has to move on."

"What life? She was my life."

"Don't say that, Sarah. You have lots of things going on in your life."

Sarah shook her head, determined to feel sorry for herself.

"I'm sorry, Grant, but I can't look on the bright side right now. Maybe tomorrow, but not today."

She sniffed as Grant sighed and pulled his hand away.

"I'll try to understand, but it's hard for both of us. I was looking forward to being an uncle."

"You were?"

"Absolutely."

She wanted to ask him if he ever wanted to be a father someday, but she didn't have the courage at the moment. That was thinking too far ahead and she still had to deal with her loss before she could even begin to start thinking about her future. What if Grant didn't want to be with her? She didn't want to contemplate that.