Choosing Sarah

Chapter 11

They lived like polite strangers for the next several weeks. Sarah was numb emotionally. She dealt with her grief by plunging into work and keeping herself busy. Things between her and Grant seemed awkward. So much had happened and Grant seemed to pull away from her. She should have expected it. After all, the baby was gone now and so was her reason for living with Grant. Strangely enough, he never brought up the fact that she should move out. Maybe he was waiting until she was stronger. She didn't think she'd ever be strong again. Physically, her body recovered but mentally she was still tormented by grief. So much so that she didn't care when Grant stopped coming home for dinner. He didn't but her about getting enough sleep or eating properly. She stopped caring about such things. She was never going to be a mom, so what difference did it make?

She started visiting Angelica's grave during the day when Grant was at work. It was very peaceful at the cemetary. It was the only way Sarah could be close to her daughter.

Greg found her there one cloudy afternoon. She was shocked to see him.

"Fancy seeing you here," he said, ambling over to stand beside her.

"When did you get back?" she asked.

"Just now. I'm on a three hour layover."

"I see."

"How are you feeling?" he asked, sounding like his brother.

She wanted to say, "Terrible." Instead, she said, "I'm fine."

After a moment, Greg asked, "Does that lie work on my brother?"

"I wouldn't know," she replied. "He doesn't speak to me that much any more."

"He's worried about you."

"You could have fooled me," she retorted sarcastically.

Suddenly, Greg chuckled.

"You know," he said, "I can play this game all day."

"What game?" she asked.

"The one where you pretend not to be in love with my brother and I pretend not to notice."

She glanced at him, surprised.

"You're never here," she retorted. "What do you know?"

"I know enough," he replied brusquely. "I know my brother is hurting bad. We're twins. I can feel it. I knew you were perfect for him the moment I saw you and I was jealous. I took advantage of you and I'm sorry."

For the second time, Sarah was shocked. Why was Greg suddenly coming clean?

"I've always wanted to be like my brother and I seem to fail every time," he continued. "I thought if I could have a piece of something meant for him I'd know what it was like to be him."

"What's wrong with being yourself?" she finally asked. Strangely enough, her anger toward him was gone, only to be replaced by pity.

"I never measured up," he answered. "But that's not why I'm here. Tell me something. Do you love my brother?"

Sarah was afraid to admit her feelings in case Greg would make fun of her. He didn't seem to be in much of a joking mood, however.

"Yes," she answered. "Desperately."

"That's all I need to hear," Greg responded.

"I'm glad you're happy," she retorted sarcastically.

Greg laughed mirthlessly.

"Don't worry," he finally said. "I'm going to straighten everything out so you guys can be together."

"There's nothing to straighten out," Sarah insisted.