I was in my early teens and I had just entered that phase where I started to get annoyed at everything. My family and I would have to attend social events, gatherings, music evenings and so on. Music evenings were alright for me as music was the one thing that I truly cherished. The way the notes blew over my head, the way that I felt all warm inside from the melodious harmonising. Whenever I felt angry, I would stick headphones in my ear and casually listen to a calming raga that soothed me back to my old self. I was a Carnatic music fanatic and had been since I was born. My mother told me that it was a passion I shared with my generations before me. Not only her, but others used to tell me that I had a talent, that i should share with the world, and only in my early teens did I realise that, but unfortunately, even at that young age, it had become too late.
When you truly love something and can't have it, you feel like the entire world around you has crumbled and someone has taken your heart, shot it, stepped on it and squashed it until it was nothing but unwanted broken shards. That was what music had done to me. Society worked in a different way. It was cruel and unfair. Life wasn't about doing your best anymore and succeeding, but instead having to work around things. Singing my heart out and practicing three hours everyday was not enough because the girl that bought the teacher with words and actions was all that mattered. The one who used words to worm her way in would succeed. It hurt my heart to see those without a passion, but only the greed to win.
When I thought about music, I would get upset by the minute and eventually, I realised that this was leading me into depression and not what truly mattered, happiness. That's when I saw Jay after a long time. He was my friend since we were six however, we had grown up since then and slowly grown apart as well. I wanted to converse with him, ask him how he had been, yet I could never approach him as it brought back memories from the past which kept piercing my heart. Jay had grown up. No longer was he the small chubby fair skinned boy that we all loved, but he had grown up into a tall, dark and handsome teenager. Jay was nice! He would make jokes, but would always make everyone feel included and was so polite to parents, yet his popularity had faded in the last few years. Jay and I made eye contact a few times, yet we kept our gestures minimal, a small awkward smile. We had mutual friends and he finally approached me after a bit. Jay and I were joking around with a friend when our friend had slipped off into the crowd to find his sister. We were finally talking and i felt like I was comforted again. From that day onwards, I thought I wouldn't see Jay that often, but I started to notice Jay more and more.
