Happiness for A**Holes

Chapter Three: Whatever, Dude

Whatever, Dude

No one was more arrogant and cocksure than the younger me. With extremely high standards and expectations, I knew I'd never give up. Never settle for less. I deserved it all. If I encountered anyone over 35 whom I didn't perceive as mind-blowingly successful, I could find a way to judge them. Truly, I was an a**hole.

It's easy to imagine one's self as the winner before the contest has even started. A young person has no concept of what is actually going to come their way, and before any adversity whatsoever comes into play--before they have been put to the test---they are certain they are going to win like Charlie Sheen on an eight ball.

So when I look back through time and see the younger me shaking his head at how lame I've become, I want to teach that kid a lesson.

Younger me didn't understand shit. But you can't outright say that to a 20-year-old. They will just say, "Whatever dude," and light up a clove cigarette or something equally cloying. I didn't yet know what the unexpected elements of human life would do to a person. How they harden you. Then break you open. Then spread you all over a giant piece of life toast. I don't know what that means.

My point is I operated for far too long on the standards and expectations of that person who didn't understand shit. Younger me was driving straight forward full speed through a landscape that was constantly changing around him.

That landscape is life. Life changes. You change. Everything around you is in a constant state of change. That's one of the things younger me had no concept of---driving in a straight line on a curvy road is going to make for a bumpy ride.

A better way would be to go with the landscape right? Work with it. This is how we should move through life. Instead, many of us are obeying their inner 20-year-old who doesn't yet understand how tomaneuver through rough terrain.

The term here is "uncompromising." It's a term we respect in our culture. We admire high achievers. Those with high standards. Those who will go get what they want at all costs.

Of course there is absolutely a time and place for high standards and an unrelenting attitude. There's also a time and place where being uncompromising will run you off a cliff in the rough landscape of life.

To the younger version of ourselves screaming at us from the past, compromise sounds a lot like settling. "I won't settle for less. I won't settle for a low paying job. I won't settle for a mate without abs." Or whatever.

What is the difference between the two? Settling or compromise? The answer is simple: You are. It simply comes down to how you feel. The actions are similar. You allow a thing to occur that doesn't meet your original expectation. Can you be at peace about it? Even feel good about it? Great. You have successfully compromised. Do you feel like you just got ripped off? You settled.

Not surprisingly, Western world high achievers rarely feel good about compromising. Neither are we good at embracing change or accepting the world around us. Not easy things to do when you are aspiring to a high ideal of what you thought your life was supposed to be. Your dreamz.

We should chase dreamz. Also, it is truly admirable to allow dreamz to change---to morph and flow with all the flux around you.

You may notice I'm spelling dreamz with a "Z." I'm doing this because it elicits images of unicorns and Trapper Keepers---images from elementary school. (Elementary school in the 80’s at least.) Reach for the stars. Achieve your dreamz.

Anyway.

To live in an accepting, compromising way is fluidity. To live uncompromising and unrelenting is rigidity.

To which of these is our world more accommodating? Without question, it is fluidity. Rigidity is for a**holes. That sounded weirdly dirty.

Time for an exercise!

Activity for A**holes #1

Get out a pen and paper. I'm a list-making fool, and I'm going to ask

you to be one as well.

What are some things in your life that you once cared about deeply, but now don't give two shits? You were so distraught, and now the memory barely affects you.

Remember that heartbreak that felt like it would never end? Or the time you were behind on all your bills?

Write down as many moments as come to mind. Now look back through time and tell your younger self to suck it.

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"Water is the softest thing-- be water." -Bruce Lee