The Playlist |Muke|

Kissing You Goodbye

Luke,

Is it selfish of me to want you to only be mine? Is it wrong of me to blame you for this? Is it right of me to do this?
Was it so wrong of me to love you?
I was lost before you.
Do you remember the thing I said about the playlist?
Mine would be depressing.
Well, until the part where I met you.
Remember how I said that I would only share my playlist when the time was right?
Well now is the time. It's all in order. From the night I met you to now.

#1: Enchanted by Taylor Swift
I remember seeing you at that stupid middle school party. You looked so shy and lost. I was attracted to you and I wasn't sure why. I got this feeling inside of me that made me walk over to you and strike up a conversation. You seemed so confused, so shy. I loved that. That night after I went home I kept hoping you would friend me on Facebook. I wanted to be your friend so badly. I was completely awestruck by you.

#2: What Is Love? by NeverShoutNever
Remember the first time we hung out? It was at that stupid little playground in town. That's the day I told you about my screwed up family. I stopped having hope a long time ago. But you started to change that for me. You made me believe again.

#3: Mr. Brightside by The Killers
I know you saw me and that girl. I wanted you to. I was hoping maybe you'd see that I liked girls and maybe you backing off would make my feelings go away. I was falling for you but I kept denying it. Boys liking boys wasn't normal to me. I tried to stop my feelings. But it didn't work for long.

#4: Bad Dreams by Calum Hood
You kept singing that one small verse from that stupid song. I don't know if that was just you being obsessed with that song or if you were trying to tell me something but either way it described how I felt about you perfectly. I know I said you were like my brother. I only said that because I thought you were over me and maybe I should be over you too. But the look on your face after I said that told me that you still had feelings for me.

#5: Forever Young by One Direction
And this is where Arzaylea makes her first appearance. This is the part of the story where you start to fade away. This is the part where we start to drift.

#6: Starring Role by Marina & The Diamonds
I saw her kiss you.
I knew I was losing.
I was losing you.

#7: 18 by One Direction
...I have loved him since I was 15
...and I love him still

#8: Don't Let Me Go by Harry Styles
You arms are my safe place. Your smile is my sunshine. Your laugh is the music I keep on repeat. Your hands keep me steady. Your eyes are like the ocean. You are my world. After I ran away from you, you still came to find me. And when you did find me you didn't let me go. I never wanted to feel alone. Being with you made me feel wanted. I never wanted you to let me go.

#9: Infinity by One Direction
The day after you found me is when I knew.
I knew for sure.
I knew that I had really fallen in love with you.
That special boy was you, Luke.
It was always you.

#10: Tear In My Heart by Twenty One Pilots
You hurt me emotionally but I still loved you. I will never stop loving you.

#11: Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco
You crossed a line.
You broke my heart.
I thought maybe you finally had come around.
I was waiting for you.
And when you said that you loved me I knew it was time.
I've never kissed somebody like that. I've never kissed any girl like I kissed you that night. I thought for sure this meant that we could finally be together.
But that's not what happened.
What happened?
Was it all a joke to you? Did you play me? Was I your little chew toy? Was I a charity case?
I don't even want to know.
You hurt me so much, Luke.
So why do I still love you?

#12: Good Enough by Little Mix
I will never be good enough for you.
I'm not a girl with long hair and pretty eyes.
I'm not even a girl.
Maybe that's why you don't want me.

#13: Kissing You Goodbye by The Used
And now here we are.
You're reading this and I'm long gone.
What now?
Are you going to cry because you realized I'm gone for good?
Or are you going to laugh with your little lap dog, Arzaylea?
Are you going to tell your friends how pathetic I am?
Are you going to laugh every time I come up in conversation?
I guess I'll never know.
I wish I could've kissed you goodbye.
But who wants a goodbye kiss from a boy with mistakes in his veins? Who wants a goodbye kiss from a boy with a dark past and no future?
Surely not you.
You sure had me fooled, Hemmings. I almost believed that you loved me.
What happened to your promises?
Were they fake?
Was every 'I love you' a lie?
Was every kiss poisoned?
I don't even want to know.

I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.

I love you.

Goodbye, Luke.

With Love Forever,

Michael