Infinite. Indefinite.

5. Vasana•Lust

I look at her. She's glorious. The sun is behind her. Illuminating her. Shining through the strands of her hair. Creating shadows on my face. She's backing the light but her face is the clearest, brightest, most brilliant thing I've ever seen. Her eyes are alight. Her face is flawless despite its blemishes. Her lips, small as they may be are shaped perfectly for me. Parted. Tempting me. Cajoling me.

All I want is to hold her. To press my lips at her temple, her forehead, the crease between her eyebrows, every one of the wrinkles on her face and lastly, her lips. I want her. I thought I knew want. But no. This was want. This was need. I needed her like I needed air. Like I needed hope. Like I needed water and joy.

"Why?"

Why? Why indeed.

"Because you need it." I whisper breathily.

The crease between her eyes deepens. Her lips quirk down.

"Do you not want it then?"

The air gushes out of me and I'm suddenly breathless. Stunned.

"Of course!" I whisper-shout. This woman is mad. She's making me mad. A couple of months together and she's twisted and contorted me into something I don't recognize.

Her eyes widen. The brows straighten. Her face goes blank. Her mouth snaps shut. "Oh."

"Oh, what?" I'm desperate now. I told her I'd help her but now all I could think of was myself and my selfish need. I needed to know what she was thinking.

"Oh, I didn't think of that." She says, her voice clear and coherent.

I'm going mad. I am. I really really really am.

An incredulous grin jumps to my face "oh?"

She looks away. And I almost grab her face and pull it back to me. Almost. My hand twitches but I don't grab her.

"I don't know if I want you to do it now." She whispers. She's looking at the sea, dyed orange and yellow and pink by the sky. The sun's in my eyes now. But I don't even blink. I'm shocked. Disappointed. Deranged. Possibly heartbroken. Mostly confused. No, mostly devastated.

"What? Why? You wanted to just now! You asked me to! What happened? Was it something I said? I really don't mind doing it, I swear!" I'm panicked. I can see my chance slipping away. I'm astounded by my reluctance to let this go. Actually I'm surprised more by my perseverance. It's been a while since I wanted something enough to chase it.

She smiles and it shakes me to my core. She looks at me and I'm grounded. "When I asked, I didn't expect you to say yes." She says shyly. She looks down at her hands and I can breathe again. "Now that I've heard your answer... I... I'm not quite sure... My entire plan was based on you saying no." She lets out a self deprecating laugh and I want it to stop.

"Why were you hoping I'd say no?" I don't want to hear the answer to this. I really don't. But my curiosity came through and synapses in my body fired and caused my brain to make me say the words I didn't want to say.

She lets out a snort, "because I knew you would." She hesitates and looks at me, the crease between her eyebrows present again. "At least, I thought you would."

"Why?" Yet again my mouth says words I didn't really want to say.

She looks at me quizzically and walks away. This time I don't stop myself. I grab her hand and swivel her to face me. Her eyes are wide and bright again. Mine are wild.

"Why?" I demand, "that's not a rhetorical question Hera!"

She kisses me.

Her lips are on my lips.

Her warm lips open my lips and suck me.

Her lips kiss my lips.

So my lips kiss hers.

Her hands slide up my arms and I can feel just how calloused they are. Soft, but not very much. Hands that have touched, nourished and nurtured.

Mine lace around her waist and clasp each other at her back. She holds my neck. Caressing me and lighting me on fire.

I gasp into her mouth and she moves back minutely. We catch our breaths just a hairsbreadth away from each other.

"You were going to walk away from that." I gasp against her lips. Lips that curve sadly.

"I should have."

Her words cut through me. I tighten my grip on her.

"Never!" I never knew what I was missing with Hera. But now that I know, I'm never letting her leave. Fireworks are still exploding in me and I'm tingly all over. Like static electricity runs through my veins. I'm hard. Very. This woman was not leaving me like this.

She looks up at me. Her eyes though bright, look sad and contrite. Brown eyes that once seemed plain and dismissible to me now stirred me in ways that I thought I'd never feel again.

She presses her lips against the corner of my mouth and then kisses my cheekbone.

I smile briefly marveling at the miracle that she's almost as tall as me so I don't have to bend down and she doesn't have to tiptoe.

My smile is short lived as she pushes me away with her surprising strength. I tighten my arms around her.

"Let me go." She begs.

"No," I state firmly.

"Let me go." She enunciates every word clearly.

"No!" I answer wildly.

"Let me go!" She screams at me. She's crying now.

"No," I whisper as I loosen my grip slightly.

She pushes me again and walks away.

As she walks away from the beach to our cabana, I stand still, my arms feeling empty and my body feeling chilled.

What just happened?

How did everything change so quickly?

What happens now?