What Dreams May Come

Chapter 14: shoulda took a nap

Levi had hoped that his exhaustion was behind him, but when he stumbled at the next hallway, Dylan paused, giving him a glance of concern.

"We're not far from the berth," she said. "Why don't you rest and I'll talk to Marcus?"

"I'm okay," he was quick to say.

Dylan snorted. "Levi, you've been yawning since we left my papa's office. We have time; rest while you can."

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back the way they had come. Levi felt a bit smothered, but was glad that she seemed to care, rather than being annoyed. They arrived at their berth shortly, and Dylan escorted him to bed, as if not trusting him to sleep on his own.

"Sleep," she told him sternly. "I'll be back before you wake."

With that, she slid the door shut and Levi could hear her walk to the front door, and a moment later, silence.

Slowly, and a little guiltily, Levi made his way back to the living room, sorting through his box before grabbing a handful of video logs. He unplugged the disc player and took it back with him to his bed, setting it up with the first disc inside. Carefully, he watched the screen flicker and then display his parents' berth on the ship. Tears came suddenly and he could do nothing about the waves of homesickness crashing around him. He missed everything about the Aeneid, he realized. But mostly, he missed his parents. They would know what to do with Dylan and her father and everyone here in his new life.

His father sat down in front of the camera, but didn't say anything for a long moment. It felt like he was waiting for Levi to say something, and so Levi managed a "Hello, Captain."

"Your mother is making me do this, you know," his father said, almost as a response. "She says it'll be good for me to talk to you, but...."

There was another long pause. Levi thought the disc was frozen, but then his father sighed.

"I know you'll see amazing things that I never will. I know you'll get chances we never did, and maybe, when you wake on the planet surface, you'll take a breath of fresh air for your old dad."

Levi hugged his knees, nodded miserably.

"And knowing all of that doesn't change the fact that I would rather have you here," his father sighed, slumping in his chair. "I'm selfish, I know. From a purely practical standpoint, we have to train a new historian. Just ridiculous. All the children in studies are memorizing Hamlet's soliloquy for you. I know you didn't much like Hamlet, but that damn soliloquy seems pretty accurate now. Your mother insists that you won't dream in cryo, I'm not so sure. I can't imagine freezing your brain is going to slow it down any."

Someone spoke off camera to Levi's father, and he looked around, nodding to whomever was talking.

"You're the one who told me to do this," his father complained.

Levi hoped his mother would say hello, and he was rewarded a moment later with her smile.

"Salve, Corlevi," she said. "Te amo."

"Te amo, madre," Levi responded.

"I'm sorry to drag your father away, but he has a meeting," she said to the camera. "I'm sure there will be many more of these to come. Goodbye for now."

She reached up to turn off the camera, but no sooner had the screen gone dark, another video feed began.

Levi watched video after video, slowly being caught up with what had happened on the ship, and especially with the cryo program. After Levi, they had many volunteers, some hoping to be alive to see the planet, some wanting what was best for the community. His parents' seemed to be more and more tired, and the years and years went on, and Levi worried that they had been pushing themselves too hard.

The videos, at first nearly weekly, now had huge gaps of time between them. His father seemed resigned when he sat down, telling Levi when he couldn't talk to anyone else. Lisel was right; his absence had affected them immensely. Regardless, Levi was helpless to change the past, but powerless to stop watching.

Then, one video his father appeared on the screen, wearing a black armband. Levi couldn't tear his eyes away from the band, not even to look at his father's bleak face.

"She's gone, Levi," his father said. "She's gone."

As his father broke down on screen, Levi felt the dam he had been holding in crack and fall away. He wept with his father, knowing full well that both he and his mother had been dead for nearly a century.

He didn't hear Dylan come into the berth, and didn't notice when she opened his door and stood frozen at the entry.

"Levi?" she managed, startling him.

Levi turned, snapping the screen back down so Dylan didn't see any more than she had. It was too personal, too private. Even attempting to control the tears rolling down his face made it worse.

"What?" he asked, appalled at how his voice shook.

"You should have been sleeping," she said, her own voice soft and low. "You shouldn't.... You knew how watching this would affect you."

"They're my parents," he managed, glancing back down at the disc player. "I had to know."

"Levi, they're gone," Dylan shrugged. "You knew that."

It was the shrug that got him. As if his parents were no more important to her than anything else of his former life. He had tried, really tried to assimilate as smoothly as possible, and all he had asked in return was a little understanding. His whole world had vanished over a century ago and he was being asked to forget it all and move on. It wasn't possible.

"Ya," Levi snapped. "Tú no sabes nada. Véteme, por favor."

"Levi, I don't know what any of that means," Dylan sighed.

"They are my parents, Dylan. And they died on that ship and their bodies consigned to the stars because they believed in the stupid idea that they were building a better world for us, and you have done nothing to prove them right. I wish I had died on that ship, hell, I wish I would have died in damn cryo, but I'll have to make do dying here with you on this godforsaken planet. Now. Leave me alone."

He growled this last sentence at Dylan, who took a step backward, face scrunched up in a frown like she might start crying. Levi didn't care what she did, so long as she did it away from him.

"Get out!" he yelled.

Dylan shut the door and he could hear her flee the berth. Good. Levi buried his head in his knees, letting tears fall down his face until exhaustion finally took him.

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A serious chapter. Miscommunication is probably at the heart of this (as it is most things) but who do you side with? Thanks for reading!