Finding Myself

The Scars

She never thought she would feel this way. She never thought that pain would affect her so much. She never thought that seeing him knowing he's happy with someone else and doesn't care would hurt her so much.....until it all hit her at once.
When she first did it, she thought "okay one time and that's it" little did she know that she would crave it so much after. That she would crave the little bit of physical pain that took away all the emotional pain. The first craving came when the scars started to fade. She would look in the mirror and she felt a certain emptiness inside, as if a piece of her was missing. The next time she did it was the night before she had to see him for the first time in 2 and a half months. She felt the same emotional pain again. She went to her dresser, picked up the razor blade, and slid it against her skin. The stinging, although painful, felt so good. It felt as though everything in that moment time had stopped and all the pain she ever felt was gone.
After that day she convinced herself that she will stopped and she did. She threw herself into her music and just sung her heart out. Until one day........ She hadn't been feeling happy for a couple of weeks now and she saw the razor blade just sitting there. She had been crying for almost two hours and then she couldn't handle it anymore. She picked up the razor blade and the rest was history.
She has so many scars. She made so many cuts. But the deepest cuts were the ones on her heart......the ones that no matter how much she tries will ever heal.