Finding Myself

Thoughts

Every time I look at my arms all I see is the time when I was in pain. Those moments when I felt worthless. Useless. Not wanted. Those moments when I felt like no one would miss me in this world. Some nights I still feel like that. That no one will miss me. Some night I still want to cry my eyes out for no reason. Some nights I pick up the razor but then force myself to put it down. No, I can't go back to that. I've done so well. I can't fall off track. Call it depression, call it anxiety, call it asking for attention,  because you'll never understand it until you through it. You can have everything in the world and still feel like you have no place in this world. The scars may not be visible anymore but I can still feel the pain every day. It's like the walls are built so high around my heart that I'm beginning to forget what love is or was. What makes it worse is the higher my walls are the harder I fall when someone tears them down. I say I'm happy being by myself. Am I really though? Or am I just trying to please everyone? No one will ever know. I won't even know. I've been trying to figure this out for months now. This all probably sounds dumb but I never said I was good at writing. I just write what my heart tells me to write. I'm still trying to find myself.