boy in black {josh dun}

five

it had been a week.

after last tuesday, josh hadn't tried to contact me. for two days i thought maybe it was because he confessed he had a crush on me, but five more days passed and i had begun to think that, if he wasn't even putting in any effort to talk to me, he had been lying.

it might've been one in the morning but i couldn't sleep for the life of me. all night, i tossed and turned, trying to force sleep upon myself. however, the relief never came, and i was left with my eyes wide open, staring into the darkness.

at one point in my life, i had been deeply depressed. it had continued for months until my mother found out. she sent me to a psychiatrist, had me take anti-depressants. i gladly accepted it, because i genuinely needed and wanted help. i didn't want to live out my life hating myself and constantly doubting everything.

eventually, i got better. i no longer cried myself to sleep or hid in my room all the time. i overcame my demons. but even though i'm not depressed anymore, i still have bouts of them every now and then.

nights like these i wished someone laid in bed with me, holding me. after years of being alone it started taking a toll on me. sometimes, i felt like i wasn't good enough for everyone.

maybe that's why josh was making me so anxious. i knew that i liked him, to what extent i wasn't sure, but i liked him enough to doubt him returning the feelings. maybe it was the impending feeling he was going to leave again soon just like last time. i didn't want to have my heart broken again.

though, my thoughts were broken by the sound of my phone ringing, faintly lighting up the room.

i closed my eyelids a little, trying to adjust my eyes. josh's name flashed across the screen, confusing me and making my heart speed up.

i answered the call and held the phone to my ear, too exhausted to say a proper hello and decided to wait until he started talking.

"t-tyler" josh's voice choked through the darkness. i froze, waking up more. he didn't call me, he called tyler. he was supposed to be talking to tyler.

"i-it's happening again, ty" he sounded like he was struggling to breathe. "i don't k-know what to do but p-please come, please. i-i need you so bad."

my eyes widened and i hung up, bolting out of bed to turn the lights on. i knew that call. he was having a panic attack.

i didn't even bother slipping shoes on, instead running down the stairs and out of the door as quickly as i could, clutching my phone in my hands.

when i got to josh's door, i didn't even bother knocking, instead i ran straight in, turning some of the lights on. the layout to his house was identical to mine, so i assumed his room was upstairs and that's where he was.

i was correct, as i saw a dim light across the hall. instead of barging in, i gently grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, careful not to make his attack worse.

"josh?" i said, looking around to find him pressed against the corner, curled up into himself. my eyes softened as he looked up with tears rolling down his face.

my heart fell in my chest as i bent down next to him, wiping the tears from his face.

"shh, it's okay it's just cara, josh. just try to breathe, count from one to ten, alright?" i sat down next to him, avoiding touching him in case it made his attack worse.

he was hyperventilating, but i could see him close his eyes and count under his breath, still crying softly.

i continued talking to him with a low voice. "you can get through this, josh. i'm so proud of you, you know that? you're so strong. try and focus on your breathing babe."

"do you need any medicine?" i asked calmly. he shook his head, so i helped him count his breaths instead, as he was struggling with that.

i saw his phone next to him and i grabbed it when he had his eyes shut, swiping it unlocked and typing a message to tyler.

i stayed with him before tyler got there, keeping a small distance between us as it got easier for him to count his breaths and he wasn't breathing as heavily.

it scared me to see josh in such a vulnerable state like that. seeing him in tears and shaking made my heart hurt, but i knew i had to push my fear away so i could help him.

i heard a car pull up, and a minute later tyler, whom i had never met, came into the room, finding josh and i still in the corner with a glass of water in his hands.

"josh" tyler breathed. josh looked up at his best friend, looking almost relieved to see him there.

"here" he said softly, bending down to give him the glass. josh accepted it, his hands still slightly shaking, and brought it to his lips, taking large gulps.

"it helps calm him down" tyler muttered to me, sitting down on the floor.

i nodded and twiddled my fingers together in my lap, sitting in a slightly awkward silence.

this was not how i thought i would meet tyler.

"m'tired" josh sniffled quietly, his eyes cast to his knees that were folded up to his chest.

"let's get you to bed jish" tyler pulled him up softly by his hands and helped him climb under the covers, as he was still in a vulnerable position.

tyler rubbed his best friend's shoulders comfortingly and left a light kiss on his hair. "i'll be back in the morning, i promise."

josh cuddled into the covers and i figured that was my cue to leave, so i stood myself up and started following tyler.

"cara..?" josh called so faintly i almost didn't hear it. i turned back to him.

"yes josh?"

"c-could you please stay with me?" he asked, sounding so broken.

who had hurt him that much? what could've possibly happened that made him so broken?

i nodded and walked over to his bed, the only light coming from the lamp on his nightstand.

slowly, i crawled under the covers, too, careful of my boundaries. before i laid down fully, i reached over and turned the lamp off, bathing the room in darkness.

"goodnight, josh."

"goodnight, cara."

before i fell asleep, i felt his arms wrap around me and pull me into his warm body.

A/N: i have never personally experienced a panic attack so i'm basing this off of research, i apologize for any incorrect information, and i'm sorry if it seems a little rushed!