In My Mind

In Too Deep

11/11/2015

My pride vs. feelings for you are like the sun and the Earth

During the day, my pride shines bright and boastful, unrelenting, and overshadowing the puny feelings

However, at night, when the sun has gone down, all that's left are feelings that have been overshadowed for so long, they decide that it's best to keep quiet through the darkness for the sun will soon shine again, and all will be okay

These nights are tough

They're long and filled with what-ifs and how-comes

They sometimes end in tears and regret but once the sun rises, and I awaken, they are once again overshadowed by the sun and suppressed inside until it's time to face the quiet darkness again

The dark wasn't always so quiet

The sun didn't always overshadow the Earth

There was a time where the sun going down meant being held and caressed and told sweet nothings

Nighttime meant relaxing in the arms of someone who gets me and although our worlds differ so much during the day, at night, we're together and that's all that matters.

However, overtime drama coupled with lack of communication caused storms filled with unanswered questions and unsettling thoughts

Thus, resulting in quiet nights.

I began to look forward to the sun. It meant no more quiet or feeling alone, the sun became my companion for when it went away in the evening, I was only left with my feelings that I'm supposed to suppress because I shouldn't feel anything for you.

We weren't in a relationship but the bond would say otherwise, they way you held me refutes all of that.

However, when I needed you most, when I needed you to be my moon and keep my emotional tides in balance, you hid behind your own sun. Therefore I was forced to hide behind mine.

The dark is cold and quiet. It hurts because it's still filled with those unanswered questions and unsetting thoughts. The memories of laughter and care are now antagonizing taunts in my head.

I realize now that I was in too deep, however that doesn't keep those quiet, unsettling nights at bay. Instead I lay quiet and think of you, until the sun rises again, and all can once again be "okay."