Constant excuses of unnatural epitome
Make it easy to excuse the natural wallowing pity of me
The ones where I lack creativity
And don't feel as smart as I once did...to me
Those stalking thoughts and taunting doubts whose origin I can't quite figure out
And even when I've put forth the known knowledge
"I don't know, I could be wrong though"
Still sometimes slips from my mouth
With constant prayers to the most high because "He'll figure it out"
All sayings with no work
Empty hope and faith with no girth
Has me speculating my worth
Because nothings really wrong
So why does my heart still hurt?
Because I've prayed and asked for signs
And leaned on the Word
I've exhausted resources and even contemplated going to church
But alas something's missing
Hoping someday someone will listen
And offer solace like,
"Well now that you mention..."
Do this like this exactly and receive all you've been wishin
And when that doesn't happen, I begin reminiscing
About those cold, hungry nights that have long become a memory
But nobody understands how currently
Those visions still haunt me
How they've instilled an unrealistic agenda of
"If you don't grind, you can't eat"
So anytime I'm not working tirelessly
I fear that my plate may depletes
Not plates of greens, yams, and some kind of meat
But of paid bills and achieved accolades being devoured by defeat
And weak premonitions of past episodes repeating with my scripted "Why me?"
So I pray again...and again before I fall too deep
All sayings with no work
Empty hope and faith with no girth
Has me speculating my worth
Because nothings really wrong
So why does my heart still hurt?
I have a few ideas as to why
A few truths and some lies
See in reality, I see what I want that's beyond the sky
And it's so out of reach because my self-doubt hinders the flight
"But I'm God's child and He'll fix it all"
Hope answers: He might
But how can I expect Him to just pick up the pieces if I, myself am not willing to try
He has encompassed me in strength with testimonies from this life
So why am I still indulging in the maybes and expecting strife?
When in the realm of complacency one must possess patience and peace
Which has never been a strong trait for me
But only then can you see
That it's my own troubled thoughts that selfishly stalk and postpone my destiny
All sayings with no work
Empty hope and faith with no girth
Has me speculating my worth
Because nothings really wrong
So why does my heart still hurt?
YOU ARE READING
In My Mind
Non-FictionThis is honestly just a collection of short poems that reflect my inner feelings when I just need to vent. I'm choosing to share them because they could possibly help someone in a similar situation and it helps to tell somebody even if they just rea...
