Secrets & Lies

Chapter Twenty-Nine

They started back towards the car.  The snow had stopped falling, but the air was still crisp and the sky a dark gray.  More snow would be coming soon, probably with night fall which would be happening in less then an hour.

"Alex are you alright?" Gia asked.

"Do you want to be here?" Alex stopped the car completely when he asked Gia the question.

"Honestly?" Gia asked looking up into his face.

"Yes."

"I...I...I don't know what I want."

"I'm sorry about what happened.  I can't ever change that fact but I can't take it back either."

"I know."

"I need to know if we are going to debate this forever.  I don't want to get married if in a few days, or months, or even years if you are going to get angry and blame me for getting you pregnant and ruining your life."

"I understand."

"It sickens me to know that you blame me for this."

"Alex, stop!! Please just stop!" Gia said starting to cry, "I know you are angry with me and what I said is unforgiveable but I have all of these emotions running around inside me and I don't know what to do.  I'm so tired.  I'm tired of being sick.  I'm tired of passing out all of the time.  I'm tired of having so many emotions.  I'm tired of crying constantly." Gia paused and turned to look out the side window trying to fight more tears.  Alex put his hand on Gia's shoulder.  She turned to him and he folded her into his arms pulling her tight to his chest.  Gia shivered from the cold.  "I don't blame you for everything." Gia whispered.

"Only some things?" He said moving back so he could look at her tear streaked face.

"Not like that." Gia said looking down at her shoes.

"What is it that you blame me for and how can I prove to you that I am sorry."

"I just don't know."  Gia answered not wanting to tell him the truth that she did blame him for everything that had happened to her since November.

"You do know and you don't want to tell me.  I can't live like this Gia!" He yelled exacerbated.

"You don't really want the truth." Gia yelled back at him.

"Yes I do!" He said turning back to her.

"Why did you have sex with me that first night we were together?" Gia asked looking him in the eye.

"I thought you wanted to."

"I told you I was a virgin and that I had never done anything like that before.  Is that what turned you on so much that you took advantage of me?" Gia asked accusingly.   

"You wanted it as much as I did."

"I know but...but I..."

"But what?"

"I don't know!" Gia said shivering in earnest now.

"Come on let me get you back home, and we can finish talking where it's warm." They drove the remaining distance to his family's home in silence.  They walked into the house and were greeted warmly by all of his siblings.  His father had returned and was in the kitchen wearing a white cotton apron and cooking dinner.

"Come I'll introduce you." Alex said, "Pappa this is Gia." Alex said.

"Pleasure to meet you Gia, please call me Lars." He said shaking her hand and smiling a big toothy smile. 

"It's very nice to meet you Lars.  My brother is a big fan of yours." Gia said feeling really stupid.

"That's always nice to hear.  So Astrid tells me you haven't been feeling well, so I'm making something special.  It always works for Astrid and I'm sure it will work for you as well." He said turning back to the stove.