This is an example of a Warriors Mary Sue:
Leafwing
23 moons
She-cat
Thunder/Shadow/River/Wind/Sky
Deputy
Leafwing is a beautiful calico with shining amber eyes.
She is very loyal, smart, strong, and hard-working, but also loves to play.
Finchkit (younger sister), Redkit (younger brother), Dreamfeather (mother, deceased), Bramblewave (father, deceased)
Her mother was half ThunderClan half RiverClan and her father WindClan, ShadowClan, and SkyClan. When Leafwing was born, everyone knew she would be a wonderful warrior. She learned how to hunt at two moons and fight at three. She was apprenticed to Birchstar, the leader of ThunderClan. During a battle, she saved Birchstar's life and was made a warrior at seven moons old. She became the best hunter and fighter, and was very happy when her younger siblings were born. She had many friends and everyone looked to her for advice. Soon after being given Feretpaw to mentor, she realized she was expecting kits. A few moons later, she and her mate, Shadowclaw, celebrated the birth of their kits, Squirrelkit, Lionkit, Treekit, Firekit, and Brackenkit. After many moons, her kits grew up to be Squirreltooth, Liontail, Treefur, Firestripe and Brackenheart. Her parents died of old age just three days after their warrior ceremony. Many moons later, she finally died and the Clan mourned her more than any Clanmate, as she was Leafwing, the greatest warrior ever.
My Thoughts: Okay, first of all, WAY TOO MANY CLANS. Keep it at one or two, MAYBE three. Next, she had like, a perfect life. Everyone loves her, there is no tragedy at all in her life. This. Sucks. She is way too perfect, being the best of the best. And then having five kits? Yeah, it happens occaisionally, but with all the other stuff, just. No. Even the NAME sounds too perfect.
My Advice: Maybe keep the Clans at ShadowClan and ThunderClan. Less kits. MORE TRAGEDY. Maybe make her really good at hunting, but not so good at fighting. You can keep the while saving Birchstar thing, but make it like an accident, and then don't make her a Warrior right after. And mastering hunting and fighting as a kit? Maybe as a young apprenrice instead. And even though the name is kind of Mary Sue, I like it.
Mary Sue: Totally! But there's always room for improvement!
So, this is just kinda what will happen. I COMPLETELY made that up, and believe you me, it was HARD to write! XD
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