In the small town of Iselia, there lived an incredibly dim-witted boy named Lloyd Irving, who was always found sleeping during class. That's where our story starts off, not all that surprisingly: in the dark abyss of nothingness known as Lloyd's mind.
"Lloyd Irving! Wake up!" yelled a voice in the darkness.
"LLOYD!" The voice called again, more harshly than the last time.
Suddenly, there was a loud explosion. "BOOM!" the explosion said.
"Gah! What did you do that for?!" yelled the newly awakened Lloyd.
"How do you manage to stay alive afte—I mean, how do you manage to sleep while you're standing?" asked a frustrated white-haired (but not old, due to fantasy logic) woman, who stood in front of Lloyd, tapping her foot impatiently against the school's wooden floor.
"Is class over already?" Lloyd asked. That's the only possible reason this teacher could have for waking him up from such a wonderful, pitch-black dream, right? It's not like school was for learning or anything.
"...No," the teacher responded, eyes narrowing. A small "snap" was heard from a piece of chalk that had just broken in her clenched fist.
"Then I'm going back to sleep." Lloyd responded, closing his eyes and immediately reentering his vast dream of nothingness.
"Idiot..." mumbled a short, young boy who also had white hair (and also wasn't very old). Surprisingly, he was the 'idiot's' best friend.
"Genis! You can answer the question, can't you?" asked the teacher, smiling creepily—I mean enthusiastically—at him.
"Y-Yes, Raine." He stood up and answered the question. "The answer is 42."
"Wrong story, Genis, and that was a terribly pathetic joke on the writer's part. She never even READ that book!" The teacher sighed hopelessly. "Now give me the answer to the OTHER question that isn't actually given out. ...The one from THIS game."
"Okay." Genis starts explaining the basic plot of the story because that's how good storytellers get things done. "The Desians are evil people and the Chosen One, Colette, is supposed to stop them by going on a 'Journey of Regeneration' where she becomes an angel by breaking a bunch of seals and stuff."
"That's right, Genis!" Raine congratulated the boy, calming down a little. "Although I don't know if anyone trying to follow this story is going to understand a word you said if they didn't play the game. Oh well! The plot isn't really important, is it? I mean, the whole reason for making ToS REVISED is to REVISE it, right? Well, why can't we revise it so it doesn't have any plot?"
In another dimension, a girl named Elisebeth who may or may not be mistaken for a man by the readers gave a big thumbs up to that.
Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light...except that no one actually went blind.
...So really, that first sentence is a lie, isn't it?
Anyway, the whole class quickly covered their eyes in reflex; even Lloyd's dream of darkness didn't stand a chance against such a light.
"Aww. I was just getting to the best part!"
Once the brilliant flash had ceased to be so brilliant, everyone slowly removed their hands from their faces and looked out the window to the place that such an annoyance had been produced: the Martel Temple—a.k.a., THE PLOT DEVICE TO GET THE STORY MOVING. WOO HOO!
Raine was the first to speak. "It seems that it's time for the Oracle. Chosen One, Colette, come with me. The rest of you stay here."
A girl with long, blonde hair stood up and left with her teacher, without a decent introduction by the author because the author didn't care enough. Lloyd watched as they left the classroom and wondered how such a small, and quite clumsy, girl could 'save' the world.
Wait. That's too thoughtful of Lloyd. Let's just pretend such thoughts never happened.
Anyway, since class seemed to be over, Lloyd decided to head out. He was curious about the whole 'Regeneration' ritual; such an important event would certainly serve cake, right? He definitely wasn't going to miss a chance at free food—and even BETTER, free dessert! But Genis caught him leaving the room and scolded him for not listening to Raine's orders.
"Raine told us to stay here, Lloyd!"
"But I want cake!" he whined.
"...What?"
"Come on! You're interested in it too, right? It's good research!"
"Hmm...I guess I AM pretty interested in seeing an angel—"
"ANGEL FOOD CAKE! Of course that's the kind they'd choose for this celebration! You're so smart, Genis!"
And thus, with a bit more coaxing from Lloyd, the two friends head out of the schoolhouse and start their short journey to Plot Device Temple. What exciting events wait for them there? TUNE IN NEXT CHAPTER TO FIND OUT!
...Or play the actual game. It'll make way more sense.
YOU ARE READING
TOS RRRRRevised (A Super old Tales of Symphonia Parody I barely started)
Fanfiction- This is a stupid and unfinished story written over six years ago that only has two chapters (split into seven here). - It's based off of a stupid comic I made over TEN years ago (the "cover" alone is from 2007), that was only halfway finished when...
