Lloyd slept well, knowing that Colette would call him when she was about to leave. Throughout the day, he sat waiting in boredom, staring at his mom's grave as his dad was fixing the fourth wall. He didn't wait more than an hour when suddenly, he heard Genis's voice calling his name.
"LLOYD!" he yelled, eyes filled with terror, "Hurry to Iselia! Something TERRIBLE has happened!"
"COLETTE LOST HER CELL PHONE?!"
"NO! WORSE!"
"SHE FORGOT MY NUMBER?!"
"NO! IT'S FAR MORE HORRIBLE!"
"SHE SWITCHED HER PHONE PLAN AND NOW SHE CAN'T CALL ME FOR FREE ON NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS?!"
Getting irritated with all this, Genis decided to crush all Lloyd's hopes. "Lloyd, you DO know that cell phones don't exist in this world and the whole 'I'll call you' thing was a lie so she could leave without you, right?"
"..." Lloyd stared in disbelief. "...YOU'RE RIGHT! THAT'S THE WORST NEWS EVER!"
"No it's not! There's something worse!" Genis insists, ignoring any other stupid interruptions that the boy would come up with, "Iselia's being attacked by the Desians!"
"The Desians?! But we have a non-aggression treaty with them!" Lloyd added, to give confused readers more information to go off of.
Thus, with no time to lose, the two 'heroes' hurried to the town.
***
"Wh-What happened?" Lloyd asked in shock once he entered the gates of the Iselia.
The town certainly was attacked. Houses everywhere were burning down, and poor innocent civilians were being rounded up, and possibly killed. They never really say. I, personally, like tragedy, so let's say that at least a few innocent civilians have their lives end here. Hurray!
"Where is Lloyd Irving?" whined the aqua-haired half-elf from earlier.
"Here I am!" Lloyd yelled happily, waving his arms and pointing at himself. "Heh. I learned THAT one from Colette."
"Lloyd Irving," some Desian elite started speaking, reading from some script that's probably from the original game, "You have disrespected our treaty and have went to the Human Ranch. Furthermore—"
"IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I HAD TO MISS THE ENDING OF POOFY PRINCESS HAPPY LAND! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!! NEVEERRRR!!!!" the leader of the Ranch interrupted, with the same childish tone he had last time we saw him.
"What? Lloyd did nothing of the sort!" Genis replied, needing to have some other line aside from his normal 'idiot' comment.
"Yes he diiiid! Don't lie!" Focrystus complained, pointing his cannon arm at Lloyd threateningly—since there's DEFINITELY a way to NOT be threatening while pointing a cannon arm at someone. Somehow. Somewhere. "It's because of him interfering with my ranch that Jeremy the Random Desian had to interrupt my show to tell me about you!"
"Hey, if you're THAT worried about missing your show, blame Jeremy, not me." Lloyd shrugs. "I mean, HE'S the one who actually interrupted you, and he might KEEP interrupting you if you don't stop him soon!" Lloyd warned.
"...Oh! You're right! Jeremy's the REAL culprit!" The Grand Cardinal quickly turned his cannon to a random Desian who is most likely named Jeremy.
"I-I'M SORRY, LORD FORCYSTUS! I WON'T INFORM YOU ABOUT IMPORTANT INFORMATION THAT INVOLVES YOUR JOB AS A GRAND CARDINAL ANYMORE, I PROMISE! JUST PLEASE! PLEASE! SPARE MEEEE!" the Desian sobbed, falling to the ground, regretting ever taking up this job.
"I'd prefer it if you DIDN'T swear, Jeremy," Focrystus growled, "But I suppose I CAN spare you, if that's what you REALLY want..."
Jeremy sighs, "Thank Martel for tha—UWAAAAH!" Jeremy's right arm was suddenly obliterated by a blast of light. "WH-WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING LORD FORCYSTUS!?! THIS IS EVEN MORE TORTUROUS THAN JUST KILLING ME WITH ONE SHOT! I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D SPARE ME!"
"B-But if I killed you in ONE shot it would've been a strike, wouldn't it?" Forcystus cried, utterly confused and unsure of his self.
And with another lame, but possibly never-before used pun (as well as another blast from Forcystus's cannon arm), Jeremy was nothing more than a disintegrated mass that even a Life Bottle wouldn't be able to revive. Poor guy. He might as well blame his fate for that one.
And that's the end. Seriously. I didn't even finish this chapter before I gave up.
Aren't I cool?
I told you this was a story you should never have read in the first place.
But did you listen?
Apparently not.
So, just like Jeremy, you can 'Blame your fate' for this.
BLAME YOUR FATE!
NEVER TRUST ELISEBETH TO FINISH ANYTHING!
YOU ARE READING
TOS RRRRRevised (A Super old Tales of Symphonia Parody I barely started)
Fanfiction- This is a stupid and unfinished story written over six years ago that only has two chapters (split into seven here). - It's based off of a stupid comic I made over TEN years ago (the "cover" alone is from 2007), that was only halfway finished when...
