Once they arrived at the top of the tower, a light came slowly down from the heavens, trying to seem dramatic. In the end, the "dramatic" scene took too long, and everyone was struggling to keep their eyes open by the end of it. But luckily, a sudden bright flash woke everyone up, the light now replaced by a sacred being.
"Yo! I'm Remiel and I'm an angel!" says Remeil, who was an angel. "And you can become an angel too, if you break a bunch of seals and stuff. Sound cool to you, Colette?" asks the angel, quickening the game's explanation because explanations are boring.
"Does becoming an angel mean that I'm going to die?" asked the Chosen One, just a tad bit scared.
"WAIT! WHO TOLD YOU THAT!? WAS IT KRATOS?!" But the angel quickly regains his composure, realizing that his little outburst may have made the kids even more suspicious. "I-I mean...it's a POSSIBILITY. But hey! There's ALWAYS a possibility of dying! You could be killed by that idiot carrying those two swords by their blades any minute now! To be honest, your chances of death would only increase by around ten percent."
"What's my probability of death right now?"
"....around ninety percent."
"Okay! I guess becoming an angel wouldn't be that bad." The Chosen smiled, unable to comprehend math.
"Wonderful!" Remiel smiled back. With that, he used his super angel powers to create a Cruxis Crystal. "This allows you to become an angel like meee~!"
"Huraaaaay!" Colette cheered, proudly allowing Remiel to bestow a Cruxis Crystal upon her.
"Oh yeah. I'm also your father and all that jazz." Without a nice transition, Remiel left with a sudden 'poof.'
Lloyd was quite jealous of Colette. "Aww! Why does Colette have two fathers when I only have one?!"
"Lloyd! You have two fathers!" Genis exclaimed, quite annoyed that Lloyd forgot about something so...easy to remember.
"Yeah, but one's dead!" he scowled back. "That doesn't count!"
Kratos, for some reason unknown by all, out-of-characterly blurted out, "That's right, Lloyd! Your father is definitely dead! He's gone forever and he's definitely not coming back! And he's most certainly not standing in front of you right now, clad in purple, either! You will never ever see him again! Ever!"
Lloyd, not suspecting anything suspicious from Kratos's statement, looked like he was about to cry. But in order to keep the story going, he quickly changed emotions.
"This is boring! Let's just go to the next scene already!"
"...Very well." Kratos responds. "Colette, come with me. I will escort you to the first seal."
The mercenary walked over to a warp panel, with Colette following close behind. Then he turned around and said one last thing to the two boys. "Oh, and Lloyd, don't follow us. You're too stupid to come along on this dangerous journey. I mean, remember what Remiel said about the chances of you accidentally killing Colette? Ah, but then again, in order for Colette's chance of death to be accurate..."
But before he could say any more, the warp panel activated and they were gone.
Not taking the insult or his last words to heart at all, Lloyd turned to Genis. "I'm bored with this game. Can we play Tetris or something instead?"
"Lloyd, we just finished the introduction to the game's story," Genis sighed, walking over to the warp panel. "And how is Tetris going to be more interesting? It doesn't have any storyline whatsoever!"
"But I don't liiiike stories! What if Raine makes me write a book report on this?" Lloyd stomped his foot against the floor. "And do any of our readers who haven't played the game understand the plot at all?! Of course not! The author doesn't explain the story well enough! She skips over plot details, calling them BORING and then has to quickly allude to them later in the story when they're actually IMPORTANT."
Suddenly, plot hole appeared out of thin air and Elisebeth, the creator of this messed up story, stepped out of it.
"You're right. I'm doing a horrible job of explaining the plot; in such a revised story of randomness, the plot only gets in the way! All you need to know is that the Chosen is going on a journey to save the world, okay? You don't need to know about 'Cruxis Crystals' or 'Exspheres' or—"
"Oh yeah, you didn't mention a single thing about Exspheres."
"That doesn't matter yet."
"But it's important!!!"
"This argument is only wasting time and space—the same two things that this plot hole I arrived in has defied. And stop coming up with good arguments! You're supposed to be stupid. I'm leaving—and while I'm at it, I'm transporting you two to the next part of the story: The Iselia Human Ranch! There you'll learn about your precious 'Exspheres'!"
And with that, Elisebeth jumped back into the plot hole and disappeared.
Except, in order to keep these chapters relatively short, she ended it here for now.
UNTIL NEXT TIME!
YOU ARE READING
TOS RRRRRevised (A Super old Tales of Symphonia Parody I barely started)
Fanfiction- This is a stupid and unfinished story written over six years ago that only has two chapters (split into seven here). - It's based off of a stupid comic I made over TEN years ago (the "cover" alone is from 2007), that was only halfway finished when...
