The fault in us (Quills) (Kellin Quinn & Justin Hills) (boyxboy)

Chapter 3

Warning, warning, warning...

Kellin's P.O.V

Tears were rolling down my cheeks while I was trying to roll up into a ball in my bed. It was just too much, the nightmares were getting to me more and more and I was so afraid to fall asleep again for this night. My heart was still pounding hard and fast in my chest, my shirt was wet through and I was shaking all over. It was just too much and I really wished that my father would stay away from me, at least in my dreams. But he was doing it again and again and the dreams felt too real to just say they were just dreams.

I tried to calm down, tried to tell myself again and again that it was just a dream and that he wouldn't punch me ever again. He wouldn't, he wasn't here anymore and I really wished he will never come back one day. Or that he would come back when I was strong enough to fight him, to stand up against him and to take kind of revenge on him. He deserved it, he deserved everything bad in the world for slapping and beating his own son. A son who wasn't even 14 to fight for himself, who wasn't that strong that he could stand up against his own father.

I was sobbing in my pillow, holding it against my body and trying to calm myself down. But it wasn't that easy when the pictures were still flashing up in my head. Not even the dream was so real, but the memories I still had in my head were messing with me, making it hard to forget about the nightmare and my dad. Or father. Or... whatever he was, he wasn't my dad at all and he would never be again. Not after what he did. I would be lying if I told you, I wouldn't miss him. But it wasn't him especially. It was just a father who would care about me, who would understand me, someone who would be there for me when my mum couldn't be. That person, I was missing more than anyone could understand and even I was staying strong, trying to hide all of those emotions, I was just a teenager who needed someone in their life to look up to.

I sighed, tried to get a deeper breath but was still interrupted by small sobs and shaking shoulders. It was making me weak and I really hoped I could forget the pictures in my head easily and soon. But even two years after the break up between my parents and that my father left it was still so present, so real like it was just yesterday. Probably the whole bullying by Justin and sometimes by Victor Fuentes wasn't helping at all. My shoulders were still sore from the last time Justin shoved me against a rough wall and my arm was still bruised. It all reminded me just at the times my father was beating me blue and black.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks, trying to breath properly again before I rolled out of my bed. I needed a shower, something to distract myself and the urge to take one of my razor blades with me was too persistent to resist anymore. It was getting to me and I knew that I wouldn't make it that much longer when Justin and the nightmares wouldn't stop soon. There were just two more weeks until winter break, where I could relax and recover from all those shit. At least I hoped so.

Without much thinking I was making my way to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me, so I wouldn't wake up my mum or Kailey. They would just ask questions and I didn't need them to ask something. Not when I was pale as the death itself, still shaking, red eyes and tears on my cheeks. They would just be worried and I didn't want to make them worried about me. I wasn't okay at all, or at least I tried to say this to myself but I couldn't make it without another cut, I couldn't go under the shower without a bloody thigh although I tried. I really tried, but the longer I stared at the razor blade in my hands, the urge to cut was getting bigger and bigger and before I could do another thing, I rolled up my shorts, not even bothered by the old and fresh scars I was seeing there.

It was just a matter of seconds when the pain was making me hiss but forgetting about the pictures in my head, just a matter of seconds when blood was dropping over my thigh, draining it in a red thick colour. Just another... and another and when I couldn't hold the razor blade anymore because my hand was shaking to much my whole thigh was bloody and in pain.