The fault in us (Quills) (Kellin Quinn & Justin Hills) (boyxboy)

Chapter 7

Kellin's P.O.V.

I couldn't get my head off. Although Gabe seemed asleep a while ago, I just couldn't go to sleep. Everything was running, every thought and every memory at all the things I did once shared with Justin. The evenings where we spent most of the time outside our houses, sneaking out and getting in trouble, the days where I had to save his ass or where we just would hang out without a word said between us. In moments like those I really wondered what it would be like if we still would be friends. If I haven't had kissed him once and if he wouldn't bully me like I was the most disgusting figure in the world.

I sighed quietly, trying not to make too much noise. I didn't want to wake Gabe, so I tried to turn around without much moving. I rolled on my side, turning my back to him and closed my eyes again. I was so done, so tired but my mind wouldn't be quiet anytime soon. The voices were screaming, giving me a headache and making me groan in annoyance. It was just not what I expected to happen.

Neither was I expecting Justin here, not did I expected the fucking kiss. I couldn't believe he really kissed me and I was for sure that this didn't mean something good. For over two years he was just messing with me, trying to push me over the edge and I wouldn't be surprised if he was wishing me the death. So this couldn't mean something good, Justin was always not up for something good and this wouldn't change. Not here, far away from home and not home. Just never.

"Can't sleep?", the husky voice of Gabe pulled me out of my thoughts, almost startling me. I sighed, rolling back on my back and looked at the dark ceiling. I wasn't sure if I should answer him or just try to pretend that I would be asleep.

"I'm cutting Gabe." The words left my mouth before I could do something against it. But I wasn't nervous at all. My heart wasn't pounding fast, my hands weren't sweating. It was... just to get it out of my mind, to tell it someone and after the little talk with the medical I really needed to get this out. I ached for someone to tell this and Gabe was the only person I could trust. I would even trust him with my life.

"You what?", he asked and I sighed deeply, trying to hold onto all the courage I got right now.

"I'm cutting Gabe... Like... cutting my legs into little pieces to handle the daily pain.", I explained a bit better, making him leaning on the elbows after that. I could feel his blue eyes on me, watching me curiously in the dark but all in all he couldn't see me that good anyway. Like I couldn't see him.

"Why? I mean... not why at all, but why you're telling me this right now?", Gabe asked and I shrugged, kind of unsure of what to tell him. I wasn't even sure why I said it, why I told him in the first place. But probably one side in my head believed the doctor and the fact that I should tell someone to get at least help or something like this.

"The doctor saw it and he told me to get help... The cut wasn't from a fight. I just cut way too deep...", I murmured and felt embarrassed now. Gabe wouldn't understand, not at all and I felt like a total idiot for telling him... For doing what I was doing to my body. This shouldn't be a way to deal with pain but I couldn't deal on another way with it. I found this relieving, this was my thing and I really should stop just because I knew it would kill me one day.

"It could kill you...", Gabe whispered quietly and I swallowed hard. It was like he knew what was in my head. Just another thing which totally showed me that I could really trust him.

"I know... It's not that someone would care anyway...", I mumbled and was about to turn around. I really didn't know why I told him. It was stupid, he wouldn't understand, not in a million years just because he wasn't going through the same. He hasn't lost his once best friend who turned to the worst enemy just because I had a crush on him. Crushed could fade away, a broken friendship would never fade, would never be healed once again.