The fault in us (Quills) (Kellin Quinn & Justin Hills) (boyxboy)

Chapter 13

Enjoy ;) It's just kind of a filler chapter, but I felt like it needed to be done :)

The pain was releasing every worry I had, it felt too good to see the blood running over my thigh. I hissed when I cut another time through gritted teeth but welcomed the pain with a lovely pleasure. I knew what it was doing to me and I knew that it wasn't a solution to deal with your problems but I couldn't help the urge to go after those needs I had developed through the last months or years. It was just too much, everything was getting onto me and I couldn't believe that something happened to me. Why me? Why not someone else? Why not a random chick which was fucked by Justin? Why was it me?

I couldn't believe that I really got pregnant and that my nausea was coming from a little growing... human being. It was unbelievable and I couldn't get myself to tell my mum or anyone else what was causing the nausea. I made a lame excuse that I've got just a bad stomach flu and needed to stay home when I felt more nauseous but other than that I was totally fine. It was indeed the way that I was fine.

The doctor said that everything was okay for the state of evolution and that I should need to see some sort of gynecologist in a few weeks, so he made an appointment for me. But I didn't feel fine at all. I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me. I was just 16 years old and got fucking pregnant by a guy who wasn't even my boyfriend or a friend to me. He was my bully for two years in a row and used to beat me. How was I supposed to be happy about this news? It was fucking terrifying and I couldn't deal with all the thoughts which were running through my head.

It was just too much and although I have sworn myself that I wouldn't made it that far once again, I did cut again. My whole left thigh was shattered in different cuts, some are more deep than the others and I could spot a few drops on the tiles. I needed to stop right now, I needed to stop cutting and most of all I needed to stop letting me down by things like this. In the end it was still my life, I could make it better but I couldn't believe something would be better by time. I was just now adjusting to the fact that Gabe knew what was up with me and that he was always on my heels now. I had adjusted to the fact that Justin and I slept together – or well more... fucked each other and I was adjusting to this whole new situation. Everything was different after this vacation and now... everything was... difficult too. Too difficult if you ask me.

Tears were welling up in my eyes and I just wanted to forget all of these things. I wanted to forget this vacation, the meetings with Justin, most of all this fucking incident and the pregnancy. Why does this always happen to me? Why can't my life be calm for once? Why couldn't something nice happen to me? I would be happy about getting a stomach flu if it would mean that I wouldn't have been pregnant. But didn't seem like I was lucky. I was always the one who experienced the shit things in life and I didn't know how much more I could take.

With the last strength I had left in me, I forced myself under the shower, turning on the warm water before I sank down on my butt, not even bothered by the fact that I was still wearing a shirt and boxers. The water was pouring down on me, soaking my clothes while I just let the tears fall, trying to ignore the pain on my thigh and in my heart. Everything was just too much and I couldn't deal with all of those problems.

I was just 16 years old, I was a fucking teenager and now I was pregnant – not to forget about the little fact that I was a guy. How was it even possible that guys could get babies? I have never heard of something like that and now I was confronted with the news that I was one of those exceptions in the world who were able to get a baby. To be pregnant. How was I supposed to raise a child while I was still a child by my own? How was I supposed to end High School or to go to College? Sure I could abort this little human being but all in all that was nothing in my head right now I wanted to think of.