Be My Superman

Chapter 21

I was on the ground. My head was spinning like a carousel, my shoulders were shaking and my breathing became heavy. Little black dots filled my vision and the streetlights dimmed.

 It felt like death. I felt like everything was numb as if it was slipping away. The rushing violent pound of my heartbeat faded and I began to jerk as breathing became a difficult task.  I heard a low whimper, only to realise it had come from me. 

Have you ever felt like your floating? Not in a good way, but as if there's a hole and you've fell into it? Only you’re not falling, your floating. And rather than screaming, you close your eyes and let it take you into its dangerous pits...Probably not...

They say that when you’re dying you reminisce and look back onto your life but all I feel is emptiness. There was one thing that came to mind as I fell, my body still jerking as I failed to breathe. It was the sweet nostalgic voice of my mother. The tempting sugar coated Christmas twilight voice of my mother. And I wasn't going to resist it. My fall came to an end and I found myself lying in my Moms arms with warm tears trickling down my cold cheeks. Her strawberry blond hair flowed across one shoulder and she was smiling sadly at me as anguish glistened in her eyes like a diamond in the rough. She rocked me back and forth like she had when I was a child and hummed quietly but confidently. A small smile graced my lips as I listened to Mom sing me to sleep...just like she had as a child

"Lullaby, twilight is spreading

Silver wings over the sky;

Fairy elves are softly treading,

Folding buds as they pass by.

Lullaby, whisper and sigh,

Lullaby, lullaby.

Lullaby, deep in the clover

Drone the bees softly to rest;

Close white lids your dear eyes over,

Mother's arms shall be your rest.

Lullaby, whisper and sigh,

Lullaby, lullaby..."

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd always wanted a balcony

Back in Cali we'd had a penthouse but never a balcony. In New York, it was rare you saw nice balconies with a good view. But here I was, sitting on a little stool with Lucky Charms and a glass of OJ looking over New York. My bandage was wrapped loosely around my head and my clothes were creased. I smiled just thinking of the reason for my creased clothing and shoved a spoonful of lucky charms into my mouth. Washing out the extreme taste of the sugar out of my mouth I stood up and opened the balcony doors before skipping back in to the room barefoot. I straightened out the covers and tidied away the mess we had made. I never really got the chance to look at the room.

It was semi tidy; there were a few t shirts lying around and files here and there but other than that it was surprisingly neat. Something tugged at the back of mind. I was sure it hadn't been like this last night. Even in the scarce lighting of the night I could see objects all around the room; had it been tidied up in the morning? That was so unbelievably cute.

My eyes caught on something at the far end of the room and before I could even make sense of what I was doing I walked towards and brushed my fingers across it. A guitar? My breathing weakened and my focus on the guitar became unbreakable. I scanned the room before picking the guitar and walking to the balcony. Softly I shut the glass doors and sat back on the stool

I was hooked. One slow finely tuned strum and I was hooked. Letting out soft shaky breath, I smile played on my lips. It was a breath I felt like I had held for so long. So many years. I played a simple tune and hummed along. I fitted in a few familiar lyrics and before I knew it I was singing softly to myself.

"Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow

'Cause you forgot yesterday

I gave you my love to borrow,

But you just gave it away.

You can't expect me to be fine,

I don't expect you to care

I know I've said it before,

But all of our bridges burned down

 Never made it as a wise man

I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing

Tired of living like a blind man

I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling

And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me

Of what I really am

'Til now, I always got by on my own 

I never really cared until I met you 

And now it chills me to the bone

Still standing at the payphone

I wonder where you are tonight

Called you from the payphone

And the night goes by so very slow

Oh, I hope that it won't end though

Will I see you tomorrow?"

I was drifting into a Taylor swift song when I felt a hand circle my waist and lift me up. I turned around and faced Kade with shock.

"Well at least you didn't punch me this time." He smiled before trailing kisses across my flushed cheeks. I cussed under my breath and handed him the battered guitar.

"Sorry." I mumbled before wrapping my hands around his and turning him to the view so he would stop killing with his freaking eyes. I closed my eyes and sighed. He wasn't supposed to hear me. He was supposed to be singing cheesy love songs in the shower like every other time I had stayed over.