The nit-picking of My Immortal.

chapter 13

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom![Why are you bringing us into your life. You could dothis in person...] PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

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Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.[Delayed reaction, considering he had visions twice...]

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.[That's what she said...]

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.[I can't tell if he has a headache or not...]

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. [He was probably in on it. Draco was supposedly found in his room...]

He laughed in an evil voice.[That's not very nice.]

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.[He didn't do anything except laugh...]

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco.[Guess he doesn't have a headache.] Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony."[Whatever happened to Dumblydore actually caring for student lives. Did he become goffik? Is he now a little hogwarts student in Slytherin?] he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." [Yet you were supposedly upset when he committed suicide, and possibly tried to comfort Enoby before she walked into her room.] then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)[What does this have to do with anything? Why are you not upset that Vampire claimed Drago?]

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. [goff code for comfort, and not bitching at him for claiming Drago.]He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm.[How would you know this?] "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. [No plan or anything, they're just gonna waltz in blindly.] Then...[DUN DUN DUN. Goffik-inducing suspense.] suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"[Oh wow O_O. She used the god of the Muslims in a mockery of the killing curse. That's just insensitive (racist possibly? There isn't a word about hating religion... At least, not one I know.)]
It was.....[DUN DUN DUN! Goffik-inducing suspense.] Voldemort![Imagine that. Voldemprt in his own lair. Unfortunately, Enoby isn't dead yet since nobody in this story can get the killing curse right.]