A Hard Day's Night (ON HOLD)

Talking It Over

"So..how was did the whole neurosurgery thing go?" Cristina asked as she chewed on her ham salad. I shrugged.
"Yeah, good, I guess.."
"Just good?"
"Yeah.."

Nobody else really said anything as we ate in stony silence at the 'intern table' quote unquote. Interns as in me, Cristina, George, Alex and currently waiting for Izzy.
My head snapped up as I heard her voice ringing in my right ear.

"Hey guys!" She screamed, sitting down and unpacking her lunch. A series of unenthusiastic 'hi''s were mumbled, but nothing else.
She sighed.
"How were all your attending's? What about you, George?" She persisted, trying to keep the conversation flowing.

"Mm..yeah, ok.." He sniffed, stabbing a lettuce leaf forcefully with his fork.
"Cristina?"
"Yeah. It was pretty good. I think cardio is definitely for me." She replied, looking up, the only one making eye contact.
"Hey, Meredith, did you talk to Dr Shepherd?" Izzy elbowed me, as I looked up at her.

"Well, yeah. He is my attending.." I replied a little harshly.
"Hot isn't he?" She replied smugly, as I nodded weakly.
"Yeah, he's ok.."
She took a bite of her sandwich, before straightening her white coat.
"Your all coming to watch the surgery this afternoon, right?"
"Yeah, I am.." Alex replied, who hasn't actually said much, despite being labelled as an absolute dick.

"Same here.." George said, finally looking up and acknowledging people.
"Me and Meredith are." Cristina answered for me.
"Oh, good. It'd be great for you Meredith because its a brain surgery. There cutting somebody's head open!" She squealed excitedly, nibbling delicately round the crusts of her bread.

"Yeah, great.." I replied dully, knowing who was doing the surgery.
I don't know why I couldn't get him out my head. He'd sworn not to tell anyone and be strictly professional, so why was I so paranoid about talking to him, making eye contact with him or even watch him cut some guys brain in half?

I didn't even realise I was being spoken to until Cristina nudged me with her foot.
"Sorry, what?" I replied, snapping out my daydream.
"Your Meredith Grey, right?" Alex asked, placing his knife and fork down on his plate.
"Yeah, why?" I narrowed my eyes.
"Any relation to Ellis Grey?"

God how I hated answering that question. It made me feel pretty worthless compared to her, like everyone was expecting of me.

"Yes, she's my mother.." I stammer, staring down at my rocket and dressing, despite there being nothing interesting about it.
"Your mother's Ellis Grey? The Ellis Grey?!" I hear George splutter.
"Yes, my mother is Ellis Grey, surgeon to the stars.." I say sarcastically. "But I would like to point out I am nothing like her.."

"That's why your not taking general, your going neuro?" Izzy asked. "Or is it because you saw who your attending would be?" She joked.
I sighed. "Izzy, can you please shut up about Derek Shepherd!" I snapped.
Her eyes went wide before they narrowed.
"You know his first name?"
"No.."
"But you just said 'Derek' Shepherd.."
"I-I did?" I ask stupidly, realising my own mistake.
"Yeah.." George replied. Now all of them were suspicious.
"Well, I-urr..saw his name tag on his desk? It said Derek.." I stammered, trying to lie convincingly. It wasn't the best I'd ever done but it threw them all the same.

"Oh, ok then.." Izzy said, slowly turning back to her apple that she was half way through demolishing.
We didn't say anything after that until every of our plates was clear, and, in Izzy's case, nothing left in her brown lunch bag.

"So, um..I'll have to go, but I'll see you all in surgery later.." I replied, standing up and walking to the trash to put away my plate and throw the crappy plastic fork away.
As I exited the lunch hall, I saw Cristina staring at me in a weird way. I knew I'd probably fooled the others with my Derek story, but she was gonna take a little more convincing...

----

Surgery Room 4
(2:46 pm)

I didn't have much else to do before we went to observe the operation on this guys tumor.
A few papers to file and meeting of surgeons and even more interns alike, I was bored as shit when I had to be at the surgery room for quarter to three.

I was practically the last one there as I crept in, quietly taking a seat next to George who whispered a quiet 'hello'. I smiled back.
Derek walked out into theatre with his scrubs and scrub cap on. I couldn't work out what the pattern was on it, but they looked a little like ferry boats.

"Do we just fill this in?" Izzy asked as she turned to face me sitting one row behind.
"Yeah, I think so.." I replied, taking a pen out my lab coat and concentrating on the patient in the middle. Not on Dr Shepherd. Never on Dr Shepherd.

It went by pretty quickly considering it was an hour and a half process. Before I knew it they were closing up the wound and packing away, while the interns observing started filing out the gallery.
"Meredith, you coming?" I heard a voice behind me. Cristina.
"Yeah, I'm coming.." I shake my head, standing up and following the rest of the herd.

"Well, you have nothing left to do today.." Dr Bailey greeted us when we were all out. "Interns you can go home.." She mumbled, before waddling off to wherever she was spreading joy next.
"Oh, great.." Izzy replied, as I followed her and George to the locker room.

Grabbing my things from my bag and changing swiftly, I was almost out the door without any confrontation.
"Hey, Meredith! Wait up!" I heard Cristina shout. I sighed and stopped in my tracks until she was by my side.

"Are you ok?" She asked. I didn't know what to reply.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You seemed pretty edgy towards the end of lunch today and in the op room.." She observed. Great. I knew she smelt a rat.
"No, Cristina. I'm fine-"
"You would tell me right? Because mentioning Dr Shepherd seemed to hit a sore spot.."
Shit.

"No. He's a little arrogant, you know. And with Izzy drooling over him or whatever I didn't really want to discuss my attending over a salad and coffee, you know?" I lied.
She nodded slightly. I didn't know if she believed me or not.
We got outside and it was still pretty warm.

"I'm over there, so I'll see you tomorrow Meredith.." She said, walking off to my left.
"Yeah, see you.." I replied weakly, staring at her till she disappeared behind the hospital.
I was alone, finally, as I sat in my car. I didn't start up the engine for a while. Instead I sat, head on the steering wheel, fighting out how the hell I was going to dodge this bullet.