A Hard Day's Night (ON HOLD)

Realisation

I went home that night and cried. Cried because I finally thought I'd found him. The one that would love me, and make me feel special. Obviously not, judging by it.

I didn't really want to share this with anyone, but I figured keeping it inside was going to kill me, considering I had to see Derek every day I was at the hospital.

"Cristina?" I croaked into the receiver later that night.
"Meredith? You ok?" She asked.
I could have cried then, but I didn't.
"It's Derek.."
"Why? What about him?"
I inhaled deeply, the tantalising silence slicing through me.
"He has a wife" I stated simply. Not as simply as I would have liked, however.
It was her turn to be silent for a few seconds.

"W-what? Since when? How did you find out?"
I broke down while telling her the details. The fact that he'd actually gotten my hopes up, then dropped a bomb. Well, this Addison had anyway. But as I thought back, she was exceedingly beautiful. Auburn waves cascading down her back, with long legs that made me look like a dwarf. Her and Derek Shepherd were definitely a picture together.

"That's sick.." Cristina murmured on the other end of the phone. "What did you do?"
I sighed. What did I do?
"Well, after she'd told me anyway, I got really pissed at him. I don't think I really said anything. Just stormed out and didn't speak a word. She looked so smug, though, Cristina. Like she knew that she'd get an explosive reaction out of me.."
"And now..?"
"And now I feel like crap.."

She sighed again. This time it was pitiful. It sounded pitiful, anyway.
"Well, at least you can toss him aside now. I can't toss aside a human child growing inside me.."

A diversion in subject. A distraction. Good.

"Have you told Burke?" I sniffled. I'd seen Preston around the hospital a few times, and he'd been acting like usual, so I figured she couldn't have told him.
"Y-yeah. I told him a few nights ago.."
"Oh.."
"Yeah"
"And..?"
"And he wants to keep it.."

And I thought my problems were pretty bad..
"Oh god, Cristina. What're you gonna do then?"
I could almost sense her shaking her head from the other end of the line.
"I don't know. We had a massive argument in the on call room, then he stormed out and we haven't spoke since. It's looking like an abortion, really.."
I sunk further into my pillow.
"Really? Are you sure?"
"What else can we do? I don't even want a child to start with, and ninety percent of both our time is stuck in the hospital. I can't..we can't.."

I stifled the urge to say something about the right of the child, but then, what did I know? Nothing, and it wasn't my womb, nor my child. I couldn't speak for my friend.

"You will come with me, won't you?" Cristina asked. She was so quiet, so meek, I hardly even heard her. Not like the Cristina I knew. Strong, feisty and quick witted. She seemed almost broken by this decision.
"Yeah. Course.." I said, my throat clogged.

It should really have been me pregnant, feeling guilty about ending the life of an unborn child. But it wasn't. It was Cristina. Cristina and Preston's child was being put to its end because of something I did. Because I slept with an attending first, and she copied my example. Life was a bitch.

I ended my phone call about half an hour later and fell asleep into a pillow soaked with tears and stained with black mascara and pale foundation. Meredith Grey crying over a man? Something my mother would not be proud of me for...

-

I looked a mess. I was well aware I looked a mess. But, then again, who did I have to impress anymore. Derek Shepherd was once more an ass and didn't deserve my time. Passing my intern board and ignoring him were my two main priorities now. I didn't have time for anything else apart from Cristina's abortion which was currently being scheduled.

I was actually having a pretty good run out until I stepped right out in front of none other than the woman I had seen last night. Derek's wife. Addison, was it? And to make it even worse, she was shaking the Chiefs hand.

I casually ducked behind the nurses station and waited for her to disappear, before catching Richard as he went back into his office. I knew him and my mother hand history, so I was slightly in his favour, one of the few bonuses I had, at least.

"Dr Webber.." I said, as he spun round.
"Yes, Grey?"
"Was that..Addison..?" I said cautiously, trying not to reveal too much. He nodded casually.
"Addison Montgomery Shepherd. An extremely talented doctor specialising in PEDS. Seattle Grace is lucky enough to have signed her on for a short term contract.." He smiled faintly at me, before wandering off.

Fucking great. I was sure I growled out loud to nobody in particular, as I got a few funny stares from passers by.
Cristina, here I come.

Flying down the stairs, I lent against a wall in the lobby and paged her.
I was only waiting a few minutes until she came flying down the stairs, as fast as a pregnant woman could, anyway.

"You paged?" She asked expectantly, standing in front of me.
"I've seen Mrs Shepherd.." I sighed.
"Mrs Shepherd? What, as in Derek's secret wife?"
I nodded.
"Again?"
"Yeah, again?"
"Oh god. What was she doing? Snogging Derek's face off in public?" Cristina snorted.
"No.." I began. "She's just signed a contract with the hospital. Specialising in PEDS.."
"Oh, shit. So they're both doctors..?"
"Yeah. Perfect match, I guess.."
"Oh, God. Don't beat yourself up over it? Is she hot?" She asked.

I nodded, casting my mind back to her face. Long auburn locks with sharp eyes, thin face and long legs. Extremely sexy.
"Beautiful.." I whispered.
I felt a shrug next to me. "Oh, whatever. Nobody cares about her. Old news because she's off the market to a guy who dates other women while still married. Are they even still staying together?"

"How should I know?"
"That's right! You shouldn't because you want nothing more to do with McAss. Come on..cafeteria food cures broken hearts.." She explained, grabbing my wrist and dragging me along.
"Cafeteria food is crap.." I mumbled, plodding heavily along with her.
"So is moping about the new Shepherd. Now hurry the hell up. I'm pregnant and I'm faster than you.." She tutted.

Cristina Yang. Where would I be without her?