Living Dreams

Subside

You bear the name of a storm that blacked out skies a little more than a week after you died.

Is that you?

Should I drop a treat in your ashes and tell you to eat it when you're ready?

As if you could?

Do I touch the plaster paw prints they gave us? Do I dry my tears before they crash onto this little legacy of yours?

Or do I banish it from my sight?

Was the only reason my brother came home from college on the weekends to see you?

And now he does not want to come home?

Is it wrong of me to cry once when it happened and now only make bitter jokes?

Or is this just how I mourn the loss of my best friend?

Are you lost? Are you safe? Were you afraid when they slipped the needle into your sick and trembling body? Did you know?

Did I not hug you tight enough the last time I saw you?

Should I leave my bedroom door open because I no longer have to worry about you sneaking in? Should I stay downstairs so I can keep an eye on you?

Or do you not bless us with your haunting?

Do I dedicate a song to you? A story?

Or is it wrong of me to bring others down with my pain?

Should your loss prompt me to seek forgiveness from those who want to offer their condolences?

Or are their sympathies not worth it?

Did I at least give you a good life?

Where should I put your pictures?

Are you hurt that I dreaded going home for the first week after it happened?

Are you offended at how quickly I moved on?

Because I want you to know it's all an act.

Can I tell you the house has never been so cold without you? Do you control the weather?

Is that you?

Should I apologize for how long it took to write this story?

How can I be expected to look over at him and keep a blank face while wishing you could have met him?

Why can't I talk about you in the past tense? I cannot bring myself to say you were a good dog.

Is it worth it trying to answer these questions or should I just let all of it be? Should I realize that the last thirteen of my seventeen years were amazing with you and carry on with my life?

Or do I pray for the victims of your raging storm?