Fright Night! #Wattys2016

We Are One

I have a demon inside of me. She lives inside of me, infecting my blood with her poisonous whispers. She tells me to do terrible things. She tells me to slice blades down my arms and swim in pools of my own blood. She tells me to rip out my hair, chunk by chunk, until my scalp is raw and stinging and my hair is tangled at my feet.

She convinces me that if I have these thoughts, I am dangerous. The doctors tell me it is multiple personality disorder, that it's all in my head, and they are not wrong. It's just that...I cannot escape my own head. My head full of dangerous thoughts. So, I am dangerous.

And so, she says that I should cut my fingers off with a paper cutter, so that I can ensure I can never hurt anyone. She tells me to take a fork and push it into the soft jelly of my eyeballs, perhaps even spin it around like I am twirling spaghetti noodles, so that I cannot see my victims as I try to obliterate them. She tells me to position a nail in the small space under my toenail and my toe, then kick the wall, so I cannot run after my victims.

When I do not do as she says, she gets angry. She tells me I am worthless. Useless. She tells me she will go after my children. And this is where I snap.

I cannot allow her to leave my body, to hurt anyone else. I must keep her confined within my skin.

I have locked my children in their bedroom. The idea of starvation bores my demon. Hopefully, if they're gone, she won't feel the need to leave me. They don't see it now...but by doing this, I am saving them. I just hope they'll understand.