Abandoned

Am I Selfish?

"Thanks again for letting me come today." Ian says as I walk him to the door so we can talk.

"Anytime..."

"If you need anything, let me know."

"I will." I say hi to his mom as she walks out to ask how the appointment went and then get back into the car.

We get home and I grab my license that I just got not too long ago off the counter and tell Demi I'm going out.

I'm gonna try to find a job. I don't tell Demi cause she probably wont approve but I'm not even sure if I want to keep the baby or not and if I do, Im not leaning on Demi for everything. I don't want her to think I can't do this without her.

I go to a few places who took my application but doesn't really seem too hell bent on excepting a pregnant teenager to work for them.

I decide to take a break and go to a local coffee shop. I order a hot chocolate and sit down, just staring off into space with a handful of job applications sitting under my arms.

"Excuse me." A lady says sitting down across from me.

"Hi." I say curiously as she shines a beautiful smile at me.

"I couldn't help but notice your situation..." She says staring at my pile of job applications.

I shrug.

"This is for you." She says handing me a job application.

"Um... You should know that..."

"That your pregnant... I know."

"How do you know that?"

"Not to be rude... But you can tell..." She says shrugging

"Right." I say laughing at how on edge I'm being.

"If you don't mind me asking... Do you know what your having?"

"A girl."

She smiles.

"So heres an application... I'll put a good word in" she says smiling.

"I'm Rose."

"Savanna." I say smiling. "Uh, thank you."

"Your welcome." She goes back to work and I fill out the application.

I stay till it closes and go into my car. I start the car but it doesn't turn on.

"Your kidding me." I say laying my head on the wheel. I just got this car for Christmas and it already broke down. I get out and lean against the car, trying to call someone.

"Hey." Rose says locking up.

"Hey." I say annoyed.

"Would you like a ride?" She asks.

"No... That's okay. I'll get my brother to come pick me up."

"Are you sure? Where do you live? It may be on the way."

I tell her what street I live on and she ends up living on the street right next to it. I end up agreeing for her to take me home and will have someone come get my car later.

We make a pit stop at her house to drop off some frozen stuff from the store.

"I'm gonna go take these out to the garage... Make yourself at home." She says. I nod uncomfortable in this new environment. I start to walk around and come to a room at the end of the hall.

I open the door to find a babies nursery set up for a baby girl.

I stare at it in shock before walking over to a picture frame of an ultrasound sitting on the dresser. I pick it up and look before putting it down. I open the dresser drawer and see a bunch of clothes and socks. I close the dressed and lean against it, feeling dizzy as I realize what this is.

"Savanna." I hear.

I turn around.

"I'm sorry... I was just looking."

"It's okay." She says walking in.

"You lost your baby?" I ask.

She nods.

"I was 29 weeks... She was born prematurely."

"I'm sorry." I look on the wall and see the name Gabriella on the wall. "Is that her name?"

"Yeah. I'm husband chose it. It was his mother's name before she passed away." She says smiling. I smile too.

"I should get you home."

"Yeah." I say.

She takes me home and I get out.

"Thanks again."

"Savanna..." I look at her. "You have the job... If you need it."

I smile. "Thank you." We exchange numbers so she can tell me when I start and I go inside.

"Savanna!" Demi says walking in. "Where have you been?"

"I went to go look for a job."

"Why? Are you keeping the baby?" Aaron asks.

"I don't know. I haven't decided in an hour." I say obliviously. "But I found one... Just in case." I say going upstairs.

Demi follows.

"You okay?" She asks walking in. I turn around with tears in my eyes.

"Why did I get pregnant? There's people out there who, who can't have kids or they have kids but they don't make it... There's so many people out there who would die for a baby and I'm not one of them so why me?" I say.

"Calm down." Demi says walking over.

"The woman who gave me a job..." I say after I calm down. "She had a daughter... Gabriella... She was born at 29 weeks and passed away..." Demi nods and continues to rub my back. "Am I selfish for not wanting this baby?" I ask

"No... I think your scared and uncertain about what you want to do... But I think once you form your connection with your daughter, you'll know what you want for her..."

I stand up and dry my eyes. "I'm gonna go get a shower..."

"Okay."

~~~~~

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~Ashley