Your Dirty Little Secret // J.G

Chapter One

A wave of relief washes over me as the bell sounds to signal the end of the school day. No more school for two whole days - nothing has ever sounded better to me. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind school in general, it's just so mentally draining. It practically feels like I have to drag my body all the way down the corridors until I'm finally leaving the school, the fresh outside air instantly making my mood take a slight turn for the better. As I make my way towards the parking lot, I let my eyes scan my surroundings in search of any of my friends, something that had become sort of a habit these days because they seem to always want to hitch a ride from me now I finally have my car. I sigh happily when I see no one around, a drive home in peace sounds like just what I need.

It's not until I reach the parking lot that I see someone I know - Jack Gilinsky. There he is, sat on the edge of the sidewalk and honestly, he looks miserable and I try hard to ignore the butterflies in my stomach when he briefly glances up from his phone to look at me before letting his gaze fall again. Jack and I aren't exactly the closest of friends, we never have been really but we know each other and we've had our fair share of conversations. I figure that's enough for me to maybe ask him if he's okay, I know for sure I'd appreciate it if he did the same to me. But then again, this is Jack I'm talking about and I appreciate everything he says to me. I've had a crush on him for as long as I can remember, it's pretty much normal to me now and over time I've come to accept that nothing is ever going to happen with us especially since he started dating Eliza a few months back. I'll admit, at first I was bitter but technically it's my own damn fault for not saying anything when I had the chance. I regret that day even more each time I remember back to it.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Jack questions as he leans against the locker beside me. I nod my head slightly as I feel his gaze on me, almost like he's judging me. Oh God, I've waited so long to finally tell him how I feel and now it's finally my chance I just can't get it out.

"Yeah, I-I uh-" I start, swallowing the lump in my throat as I try to muster up all my courage. Just say it, I urge myself. It shouldn't be this hard. But it is, it's so hard because what if he hates me? What if he never speaks to me again? Granted we're not exactly best friends or anything but it'd still crush me if I couldn't speak to him in class. He raises his eyebrows questioningly, obviously his way of telling me to go on as his eyes scan my face. I can't remember the last time I'd held his attention for this long, fuck. "I was just wondering if you could help me on that English Lit essay?" I ask him, hiding my own disappointment in myself. His face seems to light up at my question though, it's almost like he's relieved - not that I can blame him, it must've seemed like I was about to tell him the worst news.

"Sure, I mean, I guess? You really want my help though? 'Cause like Johnson knows his shit better than me." He speaks with a small shrug but a small smile plays on his lips; that damn smile always makes my head spin.

"Yeah, whatever I mean I just figured because you sit closer and, yeah." I let my sentence drift off, not wanting to sound as terribly flustered as I actually feel in this moment. I was so goddamn close, why can't I just tell him that I like him? Because rejection from Jack is probably on my list of worst fears.

"That's cool but I gotta go, I got a date!" He exclaimed with a small wink and a chuckle. You'd think that my heart would instantly shatter but not so much, Jack goes on so many dates it's hardly a shock to anyone any more. I just smile back at him enthusiastically before he says his goodbye's and hurries out of the building, checking his phone as he walks.

I sigh sadly as I snap out of my daydream, it's not like I lost anything that day though. I mean, at least we still talk, I could've possibly ruined that completely. I try to drag myself away from thoughts of what could've been as I make my way over to where Jack is sat, still staring at his phone but now from a close proximity I can see that he's not even doing anything on it - he's just staring a blank screen. He doesn't look up when I'm stood directly in front of him and I roll my eyes, he's always so caught up in his own mind lately that he hardly ever notices what's going on around him.