Your Dirty Little Secret // J.G

Chapter Four

"Baby, I'm so sorry but you gotta go. I'm sorry."

***

At first what Jack had just said to me doesn't even register in my head because my brain is still too busy trying to actually put into perspective what just happened between us. I keep playing that moment in my head, the way his lips touched mine and I was overpowered by every part of him in every sense of the words. And fuck, it felt so right but it wasn't right, I don't think I've done anything more shameful in my life. I'm not even fully aware that I'm staring at him blankly until he waves his hand in front of my face. I snap out of it, my mind suddenly taking into account what he'd said to me earlier. Oh, I've got to leave. My heart sinks at the thought but he'll have a valid reason and secretly I'm hoping that he's feeling insanely guilty about what just happened so I won't feel alone in this.

"Don't look so sad." His smile beams down at me and for a brief moment, I feel as though maybe he doesn't actually want me to leave. "I don't want you to go, really, but like Sam's coming over and I don't want people knowing you're here." His voice trails off nearer to the end of his sentence making it hard for me to understand what he was saying but I manage to figure it out. That's understandable, I try to reason with myself. He's just fucking cheated on his girlfriend, of course he'll want to be cautious to avoid rumours, that's perfectly reasonable. But it's Sam, I don't see why Sam can't know I'm here.

"Sammy's coming?" I ask, my eyebrows raising in a question and Jack nods his head slowly, his eyes looking at me as though he's longing for me to leave. I'm not going to hide the fact that it doesn't hurt me a little, he just completely took me off guard kissing me that way and now he just wants me to get up and leave? "Sam isn't just people, Jack. He's my best friend. I'm sure it'll be fine if he sees me here." I speak bluntly, not wanting to come across as rude but I don't get why he wants me to hide from Sam, it's not like I'm going to just reveal to him what happened - even I'm not that dumb. I can see Jack chewing the inside of his lip, his brows furrowed together in deep thought before he shrugs uncertainly.

"Okay, fine. But please don't tell him what happened, yeah?" His voice is laced with concern as he gestures between the two of us. I feel myself agreeing with him without even considering the consequences that may come with this, it's as though Jack has this hold on me already and I'm sure he doesn't even know that himself. I observe the look of relief that settles over his face at my response before he leans down to my face once more and presses his lips against mine again. I let my eyes close and even though it's brief, I appreciate every second. "Thank you baby." He whispers, his voice soft and I feel myself swooning at just those three words.

I just don't understand what he's doing. I don't get what we're supposed to be. We've barely spent any time together before these past two days and already he's kissing me like we're the ones in a relationship. And it's wrong, part of me feels like I should be pushing him away for treating his girlfriend the way he is but I can't do that, not to him. I really don't want to bring up that awkward topic of 'us' right away though, mainly because I'm hoping that there isn't actually any 'us'; I don't think I could live with that on my shoulders. But then again, maybe I could if he asked me to.

"Jack?" I speak quietly after finally mustering up the courage to at least ask him what's going on here and I'm praying that he'll understand what I mean without me having to elaborate. He shoots me a look like he wants me to continue, that worry present on his face again and I find it so surreal that he can care so much about anything I have to say this early on. But that's Jack Gilinsky I suppose, he has been heard of as knowing exactly how to charm a girl. "I was just- I mean like.. What are y-" But that's as far as I get before a knocking sound resounds around the room, both of us practically jumping at the sudden intrusion.

"That'll be Sam." Jack clarifies pointing towards the hallway which the door is down. "I'll go let him in but I still wanna know whatever you were gonna say, later though." His cheeks raise up into a cute grin that I can't help but return, his happiness is infectious to me, I don't think I'll ever get bored of it. I listen carefully as Jack goes to answer the door, completely unable to make out any words but I can recognise Sammy's voice from a mile away. I instantly feel more comfortable knowing he's around, I don't know what it is about him but he just makes me feel safer than my other friends. Not that I have many other friends, mainly it's just Sam, Jack J, Nate (though we don't see him as often anymore), Natalie, Leila and now it seems I've gotten closer to Jack G, something that I never thought would happen since he was always the one person from our group that drifted in and out. Especially since he got with Eliza but I feel like I have no room to complain, not after today.

I hear the footsteps grow closer to the door, part of me is hoping Jack's already told Sam that I'm here because that will avoid the trouble of having to explain it later but from way his  laughter suddenly ceases when he sees me from the doorway, I can tell he wasn't expecting me.
"Hey Leah?" I can tell instantly that Sam is puzzled, he's probably wondering why the hell I didn't tell him I was going over the the one guy's house that I've been caught up on for years. Not that he'll say that in front of Jack, Sam's good with secrets hence why I tell him everything - well, most things. "What're you doing here? I didn't know you hang out with Gilinsky." I open my mouth to respond but I never the chance to before Jack jumps in ahead of me.

"Uh, she doesn't!" The words come out all too easily for my liking and although it's true and although he's covering up for himself, it still causes me to feel slightly rejected. "She just came by to help me with some work and now you're here." I nod my head eagerly in agreement, watching Jack over Sam's shoulder and I've never found it harder to stifle a laugh, the complete panic on his face was hilarious, even I couldn't deny that.

"But anyway, I gotta go." I speak suddenly and firmly and I watch as Jack mouths a 'thank you' to me in appreciation. Honestly though, I'm not even doing this for him, I'm doing this to escape the questioning stare that Sam has locked on me - he doesn't believe me. Not a surprise really, he can read me like a book but I'm just hoping that he can't read me well enough to know what actually happened.

I say my goodbyes to the guys before leaving Jack's house, I must've been there for two hours maximum and already so much has happened. As I'm sat in my car, I let my head rest on the steering wheel while letting out a sigh; what am I getting myself into? Out of the corner of my eye I see Jack's door opening and I want more than ever for it to be Jack coming to say a real goodbye. But of course it's not, it's just Sam and I can't figure out what kind of mood he's in, I can't read Sam like he can with me, that's what annoys me the most about him. I roll down the window of my car as he approaches, turning my head to him expectantly.

"I'm stopping by your place later. We gotta talk about some shit." Fuck. He knows, I swear he must know something. I feel my heart drop as I say goodbye to him again before driving home, except I won't be able to relax - not while I'm waiting for Sam to arrive.