The Trade

What?

Sunday Afternoon.

Just as quickly as I put the ring on, I took it off. Shit like that just cant be forgiven, ever. I took all of the jewelry and put it back in it's boxes, into the bag and into my closet. It was very sweet of him to buy that, but I wish he hadn't , cause I wont be wearing it and if I had looked at it any longer I would've cried again and maybe even called him back over which is something I can't let myself do.

I do still love him...just not like I had before. I was looking forward to spending maybe my whole life with him. But it's just not that same love anymore.. Im definitely not in love anymore, I just got mad love for him.

**

I promised Jojo we could walk to the park and he could ride his 4 wheeler. After the break up I was debating on giving it back, but why punish Jo for something he had no control over?

After I gave Krei a bath I walked into Jojo's room to see what he had decided to wear. A white t-shirt with a black spider man on it, some cargo shorts and his concord 11's.

My man got it I thought as I walked out and went to get Krei dressed

Today she would be twinning it up with mommy. I dressed her in a pink and yellow tye dye shirt some cargo shorts and pink converses. I pulled her hair into to ponytails, this lil girl got too much hair for me.

 After getting her dressed I put her in her playpen and cut on cartoons for them in my room.

After I was dressed, I left my hair curly , and I started to pack a bag with all the things we'd need at the beach. Swimming suits, snacks, beach towels, sunscreen etc.

"Come on Jojo" I yelled from the kitchen.

I heard the TV shut off and he came out of my room with Krei. He could barely hold her

"It's okay Jojo you can put her down" I laughed.

He smiled as he put her on the floor she started to crawl.

"You got everything TT?" Jojo asked looking in the bag

"Yeah Jo, I packed your sausage if that's what your asking" I said picking Krei up and grabbing her diaper bag

"Grab that bag for me" I said to Jojo. He did and we left. I locked the door and went to put the bags in the car. We wouldn't be at the park long.

I carried Krei to the park and Jojo rode his four wheeler in front of me

"Please be careful, and don't let anyone ride it okay?" I said to Jojo once we got to the park. . he wasn't paying any attention to me tho.

While he rode around I put Krei in the baby swing, and pushed her lightly.

That toothless smile, all that hair, her green eyes, her smooth skin... everything about my little girl is perfect. Sometimes I wonder, what have I done to deserve such a perfect angel? I'll forever be thankful for her. She made me change in so many ways, she doesn't realize it, and I'll never be able to repay her for what she has done for me. I mentally thank Ace all the time, even though he's a sorry excuse of a father, I can't be anything but grateful that he helped me create her. Krei is everything .. when she's sick, Im sick, and it honestly makes my heart hurt when I can't do anything to sooth her. When she's upset, I'll do anything to change that. When she's happy, Im more than ecstatic. I'll do anything to see her smile. And when she just wants me to hold her, my heart warms. There's nothing like receiving love from my baby, not Rod, not money, nothing can take the place of baby. Someone Im sure I'll forever be in love with... my Baby Love.

I guess the swing started to make her queezy because she started to turn her face up, which was a sight I couldn't help but laugh at.

"You gettin' sick Pretty?" I asked kissing her cheek until she turned her face to watch Jojo ride in the grass.

I couldn't help but stare either, as he rode around. Those short curls, light brown eyes, and perfect little teeth that went along with that mesmerizing smiled. That little voice calling out to me "Look TT" , seemed so big to my heart. IN his short 6 years, he'd been the only consistent male other than my brothers. But even they sometimes failed me. But not Jojo. To say he'e my first love wouldn't convey what he means to me, I won't discredit Rylee of the beautiful being she birthed. But before she died she gave birth to a little king. And I am my sister's keeper, so therefore he is mine.

"Come on Jo" I yelled out to him. he quickly rode over to me and we went home. I put away his quad and we left in my range rover.

The beach wasn't that crowded so I let Jojo pick the spot. And ironically he chose the spot mommy always took us to. Right by the little green house next to the beach good store.

As he made sand castles, and I constantly had to tell Krei the sand was not food. Jojo looked sad

"What's wrong Jojo?" I asked tapping Krei's hand lightly which only made her whine

"Nothing" he said rubbing krei's back

"Come on Jo.. you can tell me"  I said scooting closer to him

He looked out at the water then back to me

"I miss mommy" he said as tears welled in his eyes.

This is the first time in 6 months since she died that he's told me he missed her, so I didn't really know how to react.

"Look Jojo... I miss mommy too. But you still have me, okay? I know I will never be able to replace her, and I won't try so hard to replace her. Just know you still have me, and Im never leaving you" I said hugging his sandy body close.

Krei immediately got jealous, so Jojo pulled her into our hug.

It's times like this when I know exactly why I do what I do...and I do it all for them

*************

After our moment, we ate snacks . And Krei and I watched Jojo play in the water. She was scared so we didn't go near it. At all, or she would have all types of fits.

I was playing with Krei , when my phone rang 'Ken'

Ken is the CEO, probably calling for a night out.

"Hello" I answered

"I need to see you tonight..." he said in a whisper

"I don't know Ken.. what would your wife think?" I asked playing the guilt card .

Momma needs some new shoes ;)

"She uh.. we're getting a divorce."

"if you don't mind me asking... why?" I said popping Krei again and I mouthed "It's not eat eat"

"She had another kid... he's like 21 now, but she just found him this morning. "

"Oh, what's his name?" I asked acting like I was interested

"Rod I think.. something like that"

"What? did you say Rod?"

"Yeah.. After all this time I thought she would've told me, but she never did. So I think this may be the end for us"

Ken has said stuff like that before to keep me around, it doesn't work tho. The only thing that keeps me coming back is the money, cause the sex is not all that.. I just can't believe that Rod's mom is his wife... like WTF.