The Apple of My Eye

Fell on Black Days

I was reluctant to accept defeat, so I just kept on going. As far as lifestyles go, it was a pretty shitty deal anyway you looked at it. Day in, day out, I was like this zombie, muddling my way through life. Nothing seemed to get any better, just a little worse each day. My financial situation was tantamount to bankruptcy. My credit was so bad my credit cards had been disabled and the bank had ceased to issue and send checkbooks to me, which meant now I could only buy stuff that I could actually pay for up front. With cash.

I still managed to see Victoria most weekdays, but now I was actually relieved when Chloe would sometimes call me and release me from picking her up from school because she had a day off or something and could see to our daughter herself. I was so ridden with guilt over the story my mom had told me that I was only partly functional around Victoria. I couldn't shake off the image of my daughter crying and asking God to bring her daddy back. Moreover, I never spent time with my parents anymore. I only saw them when I had to drive Victoria to their place, and it never lasted more than a couple of minutes anyway. On weekends, I would spend time with her alone, not go up to my parents' or anything of the sort. I felt tormented enough without the magnification of my flaws and weaknesses as a human being that only my mom could deliver.

The only area of my life that was still going strong was my relationship with Star. Whenever we didn't let the pressures of the outside world hamper our good spirits, a trick we managed to pull quite often, remarkably, we were still living on top of the world. We disagreed very little, we loved each other lavishly, and we made love each time more passionately and frenzied than the time before. I lost track of the amount of time we spent making love during those months. All I know is we did it every single day, and we hardly ever engaged in quickies. They were all elaborate, all the time, yes sir. Our morning escapades were the ones that lasted longer, granted, but it was in the middle of the night that we were at our wildest. I took pride in the fact that, as irksome as our everyday lives had become, we always managed to find time for each other, for love, lots of love, for sex, copious amounts thereof, and for all the fun we could have. Especially the kind of fun that didn't cost a penny to be had.

Star and I would watch entire seasons of our favorite shows, and we'd watch a lot of movies, too. But we never went to the movies after we moved in together. All the fun we had was indoors. We loved staying in so much you could say we rocked the shit out of that apartment—whatever that means. The only times we'd ever go out, outside of going to work and me minding my daughter, that is, was when we had to go get food. We went to the store a lot and bought all sorts of junk food and bread and cake and ice cream and whatnot. We'd also eat lots of cheese pizza, especially Monday nights, and to this day I don't know why Monday nights, but that's the way it was. And we'd wash it down with bounteous volumes of Coke, too. It got to the point that the people in the restaurant already knew us and what we wanted, so we didn't even have to order anymore. They knew what we were going to have the moment they caught sight of us across the street. How we managed to stay in shape during those days is beyond me, because we sure ate up a storm and never did any physical activity other than, well, fucking each other like savages day after day after day. Good times.

On the rare occasion that we'd go out in the morning to grab breakfast, we'd go to this great place I think I've already mentioned, this bakeshop of sorts. I vividly recall the walk on many of these mornings, from our front door, way in the back, to the front gate, through the long corridor that was too narrow for me and Star to be able to walk side by side. I'd always let her lead the way. Star would invariably be wearing a thin spring dress or a silk skirt, and that shit drove me absolutely nuts. She had a posterior that was oh so well rounded and substantially sloped back, so whenever she was wearing one of the aforementioned morning garments, the thin fabric revealed a hint of the edge of her panties and the generous shape of her very firm buns, vibrating underneath as she strode with poise and intent. It was such eye candy to behold. Such a lovely, lovely treat. Looking at Star like that would often get me so aroused I'd call off breakfast altogether and drag her back into bed like I was fresh out of jail after being locked up for years. It's the little things.