I'm Not Ok

Mr. May

"Ok, everyone get out your pencils and paper!" I told the class. As usual, nobody was listening. God, I hate this class. There was only maybe two students that I actually like.

I walked over to my desk and sat down. I listened to all the conversations. Skateboarding. Going to the mall on Sunday. How Jenny kissed Ben. High school stuff.

I started to click at the keys of my laptop, typing up the next project. The project they were supposed to be working on was due next class. Hm, maybe I should go check on them...

I stood up and started slowly walking around the class. Weaving my way through the desks, I peered diwn at the poems they were writing. Soon enough, I found myself at the back of the class.

I heard someone let out a little gasp and I turned to my left. Tara was hurriedly yanking at her hoodie sleeve, desperately trying to cover something up.

"Tara? What are you doing?" I asked.

"Nothing," she lied.

"Then would you mind showing me whatever yoh're trying to hide?" I really liked this kid, but she was troubled.

"Yes, I would mind, actually," Tara said.

"Show me," I demanded in my best 'big scary teacher' voice.

Tara sighed and lifted her sleeve, revealing her blood covered arm with slits all over it.

I shook my head and went over to the sink to get paper towel. I handed it to Tara and said, "Give me your blade." I held out my hand as she passed it over. "Now hold those on the cuts and wait for me in the hall. I will be right there."

I watched Tara walk around the back of the class with her head faced downward.

"Ok, class! Continue working quietly, I will be right back. I've got to go take care of... something."

I exited the class and found Tara sitting on the ground to my right.

"C'mon, let's go clean you up." Tara stood up and I placed my hand on her back as we walked to the bathroom.

The teenage girl went to the sink amd began to rinse off the blood.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to get some bandages," I told her. She nodded but did not look up.

I went to the faculty lounge to find the first aid kit. Mrs. Harold, the school's guidance counsellor, was there having a cup of coffee.

"Hello, John!" she greeted me, using my first name.

"Hi, Matilda," I said back.

"What're you up to?" she asked

"Just getting the first aid kit," I told her.

"Whatever for?" Matilda inquired.

"Uh..." If I told Matilda that Tara had been cutting herself, she would make the poor girls attend countless therapy sessions. That's not what she needs. Yes, she needs support, but not in that way. I had to lie. "A kid byrned himself with a lighter. I confiscated it, I'm just going to help him take care of the burn."

"Oh, alright!" Matilda smiled

I brought the first aid kit to the bathroom, but it was empty.

"Tara? Tara!" I called out. God damn it, I shouldn't have left her alone! I'm such an idiot!

"Calm down, I'm right here," Tara said in a monotone voice as she came out of a bathtoom stall. "I had to use the toilet."

"Oh."

I started to wrap up Tara's arm. "Tell me if it hurts," I told her.

"There is nothimg you could do to hurt me," she said.

I glanced up at her as I continued to wrap her arm. Despite what was happening, not one tear was in her eyes.