Dumbstruck

Chapter 18

Raising my head up, I looked at him confused. At the pit of my stomach, I know that this won't be good. Maybe he doesn't want to be friends anymore? Or what if he's finally gonna come out of the closet? Nodding my head anyway, I waited for him to continue.

I seriously have no problem with him being gay. I mean, gays are awesome and fun people to be around with. It would be a shame though since he's pretty good looking.

"I ummm..." He started to say but hesitated. Again.

Should I give him a push? Or should I just wait for him to confess on his own? Nah, I'll probably just wait.

"I like...uhhh..." He started again but apparently, Gundolf's got his tongue.

Sighing, I smiled softly and placed a hand on his shoulder before patting it. Time to give him my best "words of wisdom", well as best as it can get. "Confessing, as what you're currently trying to do, is never easy. You get scared of what the person you're confessing to would think. How they'd react. Would they be angry, upset, happy, or sad."

He seemed to be listening to what I was saying, which is a good thing. So I decided to continue.

"You need to be true to yourself. Don't think about the aftermath, think about now. You can deal with the aftermath later. What's important is setting the truth free. If you do, you'll be a lot happier, I guarantee you." I smiled at him.

Taking another deep breath, he sighed before finally saying, "You're right."

"I know." I smiled proudly.

"So, here it goes."

Just be positive Ty. I'm sure the boys will accept him being gay. After all he is practically their brother. I'm not so sure how their fans would handle it though.

"Just let it out, bud. Just let it all out." I said encouragingly.

I'm doing pretty good at these things. Maybe I should become a psychiatrist next. Or maybe a Genie. Yeah, a Genie's way cooler.

"I like you."

Finally!

"See? That wasn't so hard was it?" I grinned widely.

Idiot, did you even listen to what he just said?!

"Wait, what?!" I stared at him wide eyed. "You're joking, right?"

Bunching his brows together, he frowned. "No, I'm not."

"But you're gay!" I stood up and threw my hands up.

"What?!" He frowned deeper.

"You were suppose to say that you're gay! You weren't suppose to say that you like me!" I raises my voice.

"Why the heck would you think that?!" He stood up.

"Because you weren't suppose to like me!" I screamed at him before storming off.

He was gay! He was suppose to be gay! He's my friend! He isn't suppose to like me! I should stay as far away as possible from him.

Why are you so angry? Why can't you just stop for one minute and think about what you feel for him?! Why can't you just try!

Because I don't want history to repeat itself! I tried last time, and look what happened?! Mom paid the price of my stupidity!

Being infatuated is not stupidity, Tyvvah! It's being alive! It's being human!

I felt my arm being yanked back making me crash into someone's chest. Automatically, his scent surrounded me which made me push his body away from me.

"Let go of me, Olly!" I struggled.

"No! Bugsy, why are you acting like this?!" He holds me tighter.

Bugsy...

"Stop. Fucking. Calling. Me. That!" As best as I can, I kicked his knee which made his hold on me loosen a bit.

Suddenly, thunder erupted from the sky which distracted him a bit making him glance up at the now dark and cloudy sky. As soon as he looked back down at me, I banged my forehead to his which made him let go of me fully, falling to the ground.

"I'm sorry." I said as droplets of rain started to pour.

I was just about to turn around, but my conscience always gets the best of me. That was too much. I shouldn't have done that. Groaning, I walked back to him.

"Olly, I'm sorry." I said as I kneeled beside him.

He glanced at me and sat up, still holding his forehead, before looking away. "Why did you do that?"

"I was scared, okay?" I admitted.

"What could you possibly be afraid of?" He stressed.

"Of falling for someone!" I exclaimed, slamming my fist to the ground. "I'm scared of feeling something for someone knowing that at the end it'll only hurt me!"

"Having feelings for someone won't hurt you!" He said.

"That's what I used to believe in until I watched my own father suffer and grieve throughout his life, practically becoming lifeless because of a broken heart! I don't want to become like that! I don't ever want to feel that! Not now, not ever! If that means that I'll grow old single then I'll take it! Because I don't ever want to go through the pain, the burden of getting your heart broken by the person you gave it to!"

By the end of my little outburst, I was full on sobbing. Everything that I've kept locked in my chest for years finally pours out. I started crying heavily I didn't notice the arms that surrounded me, comforting me and at this time, I just let it.

"I won't ever let you go through the amount of pain you've witnessed and have went through." He whispered softly against my hair as he rubbed my back soothingly.

"Never."