Lost Before it Could Begin

Long Lost Love

This is my first story, and im really excited. Im Dedicating this to my friend ! I usually only write poetry and scripts...and i've been inspired to finally take the time out to writee this storyy and i figure writing a story is basically writing a script only more detailed? Right? Well Anyways...Here it is(:

-Michelle

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Okay, so my mom and stepdad are shipping me off to my grandparents' house in georgia. That's where i grew up with my mom and dad, only it was an abusive relationship with my parents. Being back home gives me goosebumbps. It kinda scares me. The last time i spoke to my grandparents they sounded worried so i knew mom had to talk to them. I think my mom thinks im not myself. I tend to lock myself in my room and write out my feelings' which i've always done around any and everyone. Only my mom doesnt see that anymore so she thinks i've just given up my passion. So im pretty sure she's told my granparents. Sometimes she just doesn't understand me!  I felt the bus come to a stop, and i automatically but my "felings"  away. Thats what i called my book of poems...feelings..because only i read them, they were personal. I scurried to put my bag around my neck and i grapped my suitcase, and i got off of the bus. And there they were, my grandparents looked so happy. They rushed over to me and i hugged them. I haven't seen them in forever...it's been 5years!

I acknowlege them with a smile saying,"Grams, Gramps" i've called them that all my life! And i know they'd get a kick out of that since  i havent been myself lately. Gramps hugged me and said,"Autumn, you look great!" I felt home again! I haven't felt soo happy sicne i left to new jersey. Thats where i live, but it's summer break...and my mom thought it'd be nice to see them, only i knew the real reason. My mom hardly talks to me, she's too busy saving her marriage! So Of course Im always ignored. I stuffed my bags into the trunk while gramps helped. 

As we were driving we passed by these huge trees, the presence of them calmed me. I started to relax listening to music and letting the wind blow my long blonde hair. When we turned into their driveway i was relieved to see the swing i use to lounge in by the big oak tree. I smiled. there were soo many memories i had by that oak tree. I ran up the stairs leading to the porch with the biggest smile, one a kid had going to disney world. I ran up the stairs and into my room and jumped on the bed. Gramps walks in the room telling me,"Make your self at home bud." I could tell by the look on his face he wanted to say something more but hesitated so i turned my back towards him; he begins,"Bud? I don't know if you remember him or not, but Ryan would be coming by tomorrow to show you around being that you haven't been here in so long." when he said the name Ryan my tummy started to sink remembering Ryan, i felt the heat rush to my cheeks. i didnt turn around but simply nodded my head to confirm. He left the room closing the door behind him. I felt the urge to cry, i missed this place soo much, so i went to my ensuite bathroom i turned the water on, and i looked in the mirror, only i didn't see me, i saw how i felt. Stung. I wish we never moved. I began to pull my shirt from over my head, and took my converse off, and i sat on the floor in my black bra and ripped jeans. It took about 3mins for me to decide to get up and take a shower. i took off my remaining clothes and got in.

The warm water calmed me. I felt at ease. I put on some pjs seeing the times was 5:25pm, i decided to write how i felt. Writing poetry calms me down, it was also a way for me to escape reality.I cried as i wrote out my feelings, and eventually feel asleep.

When i awoke it was 9:39 the next day. I was still in bed though. I could feel someone in the room but i was to tired to see who it was. I didn't feel like moving until i heard a page turn, and the first thing i though was someone is reading my poetry, it was like a diary! That stuff was personal, no one was suppose to read that but me!  I got up to find a guy with a dark brown hair,and really muscular whos back was facing me. I got up and tried to snatch the book but he grabed my wrist, and said," Read me this poem" I did as he asked, His voice was soo familiar, or his touch or something about him!  I just couldnt remeber but i begin to read the poem,it was about my childhood, it read:

Question; How Does A Real Man Work Up Enough Anger To Hit The Woman He Loves? ;                But Not Courageous Enough To Hit Her In front Of His Seeds Cause His Youngest Once Spoke Up; Lock His Kids In A Room While He Beats Their Mom For Her Money ,For Drugs; Children Cryin In The Room..All They Truly Want Is Affection and Love; How Does It Get That Far; Shes Cryin As He Holds His Little Girls Hands Through Prison Bars; Did He Just Not Care? ;  Or He Just Didnt Want To Change? ; She Still Misses Her Daddy..With His Absence, She Wasnt The Same; Memories Of Wheat Grass and Tall Metal Gates; Metal Detectors, and Talking Through Glass Plates; Her Older Sister Reading To Her As She Tried To Drown Out The Screams; Tryna Tell Her Little Sister Things Are Better Then They Seem; Moving From House To House; Never Knowing How Long It'll Last; Till Finally One Day They Hit The Road and Filled The Tank With Gas; and Tell Me How Does It Get That Far Daddy..That We Had To Come This Far?

My eyes began to water as i read each line. He put his arms around me comforting me, when i felt his touch i knew instantly who he was! " I missed you" i said weakily, he began to wipe the tears from my eyes, and kissed me on my forehead. he smiled and said, "like old times" i looked at him and remembered all the memories we had together. I stared into his big grey eyes, and i just wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. He chuckled and i felt his abs move when he did. I giggled. He then left the room so i could get dressed and he could show me what i had missed being that i moved when i was 11.

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth," i havent seen him in forever. I missed him, he was soo Ryan. The comforting guy i always known and loved. And he looked soo different, he was hot" i said to myself. Then i began to look at myself in the mirror, actually look at myself. I thought i was  fat. I wore a size 7 in pants my stomach wasn't that big, and my boobs were huge. I absolutely hate my body!  The only reason boys look at me is because of my curves and they think im some kind of prostitue because some low life loser said i slept with him! Im a VIRGIN for crying out loud! I bet if i were nothing but skin and bones they would pay me no mind. I've been called fat by all these skinny preps in school! And i let it get to me, i let the word fat sink in and now i have no self esteem. I come out of the bathroom feeling horrible about myself. I look in my suitcase which was on the floor and i pull out a pair of my ripped white skinny jeans and a red v neck. "Now where did i leave those stupid boots?" I looked in my closet to see someone had put all my shoes up . I grabbed my black combat boots and slipped them on. I grapped my brush out of my bag and yanked harshly at the naps in my hair! My hair is naturally blonde and curly, but i straightened it yesterday morning. So it didn't look that bad!  I grabbed my  "feelings" and stuffed it in my bag while pulling the bag across my shoulder. I went into the bathroom and applied some eyeliner and mascara and a light gray eyeshadow. It looked natural!  I went into the kitchen and grapped an apple and kissed both gramps and gramps on the cheek. Running out the door to go explore with Ryan.