BUBBLEGUM BITCH

CHAPTER 9

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" Barrie yells as he busts open the door. I quickly throw a pillow over my body and try to hide my nudity while Marina is just sitting on the floor, not making any effort to cover herself. As soon as Barrie realizes what it appears to be, he mutters a quiet "Jesus Christ" under his breath, with a split-second look of pain and agony before his face twists with hate and anger. "Lana," he says in a low and steady voice, trying to not lose his cool. I look up at him, speechless, I couldn't find the words to say. "Lana, what exactly happened here..." He raises his voice slightly, demanding an answer. I still didn't reply. I couldn't find it in myself to tell him what just happened, so instead, I bury my face in the pillow and cry. "GODDAMMIT LANA NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO CRY! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTH NAKED. TELL. ME. NOW."

The tears turn to sobs. Just as I was finding the words to say, Marina spoke up for me. "Lana fucked me, that's what happened... That's right, she actually fucked me." I look up in horror, mascara staining my cheeks and the pillow. Marina stands up and slowly bends over to pick her clothes off the ground like she has nothing to prove. I can't believe her. MARINA HAS THE NERVE TO FLAUNT WHAT SHE'S GOT EVEN UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. I want to punch her face in. I want to make her cry, feel guilt in the least. Instead, I make myself the victim and cry even harder. As she slowly gets dressed, Barrie still finds it in himself to not look at her and he's just looking down on me with so much hate, disgust, and heartbreak in his eyes. It breaks me to the core. "And you know the best part of this whole situation was, Barrie? That's your name, right?" Marina says slipping her feet into her high heels, "It's that Lana LOVED it. She wanted more. Lana couldn't keep her hands off of me." I look up and make eye contact with him. His face just went blank, like he felt numb. We look into each other's eyes and a small tear falls from his eyes. Barrie never cries, ever, and I was the reason behind those sad little tears. "Well, Lana, that was fun!" Marina says happily, making her way to the door.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!" I scream at her. My chest burns and my voice cracks in the middle of my sentence. My breathing is rapid along with my sniffles. My eyes are like a waterfall. This is definitely not the plan my evening was designed for.

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING, BITCH?" Marina takes a deep breath in, "Anyways, enjoy your whore of a girlfriend Barrie. I'm sure I'm not the only one she's jumped on, like the little slut she is." Marina looks at me one last time and slips a quick wink in with an evil grin, and she slams the door as she leaves.

Barrie slowly walks over and sits himself on my bed. I can tell he's trying all he can not to yell at me, or sob as bad as I am because his breathing is hard and muffled. I look up at him, but he's staring beyond me, at the wall. It's like he's searching the wall for answers, for support. I open my mouth and I try to find the words to say, but they just don't come. We sit in silence, and with each second my heart breaks even more. What have I done? I'm crying, but the tears are silent, and they don't stop. As soon as one tear falls from my cheek, another one rolls it's way down my face. "You were brushing your teeth, eh?" he says in a barely audible volume. I look up at him and he's crying as much as I am. His eyes are red and his cheeks are stained with tears. Shit. I lean my head on his knee for support, but before my head touches his knee he just brushes me off. "I just don't understand, I just REALLY don't understand Lana... I have roses in the car that I bought for you, I was going to take you out on a surprise date. I've had such a rough day at work and I wanted to spend the rest of the night with you, because you make me feel better... But now all of a sudden, I realized I'm not the only person who you like to make feel good... I mean, honestly? You lower yourself that low... Low enough to fuck Marina? If you didn't like me you could've just said so and not have made it so hard. I mean, MARINA OF ALL PEOPLE. I just can't believe you Lizzy... I can't." He looses his words.

That was it, that's what did it for me. I feel a wave wash over my body and I go numb again. I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of nothing. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. It hurts to look up at Barrie. He never calls me Lizzy. Not even when we're making love, or when I'm comforting him from a bad day at work; he just never calls me by my real name. And he just did, which proves that he's slipping from my grip. Barrie slowly rises himself off the bed and wipes the tears from his cheeks. He takes a deep breath and looks down at me. "I'm going to go." He whispers, avoiding eye contact and looking at my feet. "Goodbye, Elizabeth." He leans down and kisses my forehead and walks away. As he opens the door, he pauses.

"Not forever, right?" I ask. He hears me because he pauses a little longer, but then he continues walking. I want to scream for him to stay. I want to grab on to his legs and never let him leave me. Instead I just look at him with tears flooding my eyes again. I'm letting Barrie leave me. I can hear him close my front door behind me and ignite his engine; within a minute, he's gone, forever. The man who I love with every ounce of my being, is gone. My life is gone. Everything is gone. And it's all my fault.