BUBBLEGUM BITCH

CHAPTER 10

I sit on the couch, mindlessly watching tv, and flip through channel by channel until I spot a show I like. It's a repeat of the Walking Dead so I just keep it on. I jog to the refrigerator and crouch down to where the freezer is. Normally meat is stored in it, but I'm a vegetarian so my freezer is empty except for a few frozen fruits next to the frozen fries and two ice cream containers, one mint chocolate chip and one cookies n' cream. It's been almost a week since Barrie has left me and I still can't stop eating junk food, it's my only comfort at the moment. I gained almost two pounds this week and it's beginning to become unbearable, yet I still pull out the cookies n' cream container.

I grab a spoon and flop back on the couch. The container of ice cream is full and I begin to devour the cold and milky dessert. It melts quickly the first time I put it in my mouth but after a few times, my mouth gets colder and the ice cream becomes warmer. It's at a really intense part of the show when all of a sudden my doorbell rings. I didn't feel like answering it, I haven't talked to anybody in the past week and I still wasn't ready to face reality, so I just ignore it. A few minutes go by and the doorbell rings again, so I shout "Go away, I'm busy." Whoever was behind the door though was insistent and rang the doorbell once more. I was getting angry, why can't people just leave me alone. The person begins knocking on the door, and a familiar voice shouts "FOR FUCKS SAKES LANA, WE NEED TO TALK." Unfortunately, it was Marina.

I knew that if I didn't answer the door she'd just keep annoying me and my whole show would be ruined, so I slammed the icecream on the table, making it very clear that I was annoyed. I sigh and try to put on the blankest expression possible and I open the door. I rub my eyes because it feels like my poker face is already giving up and I'm already getting overwhelmed. "I don't want to kiss you," I say quickly. My eyes are watery but I wouldn't care cry in front of her again so I stand tall, almost reaching her height. "If you know what's best for you, just leave. Okay? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to kiss you. I don't want to hear your dumb apologies. You don't deserve anything from me, not even an ear to listen to," I spit out. "Do you know what I've been doing for the past week? No? Take a guess." She shakes her head no and slightly rolls her eyes. "Eating ice cream, watching television, drowning in my tears, wasting away my life...thinking about Barrie... do you remember him or are you too heartless to care?"

She looks away from my eyes from a moment and sighs. "Lana, this means nothing to you, but I'm sorry," her Welsh accent shining through, "I just want to talk to you and I want you to listen, and I want you to talk to me and I'll listen. I'll listen to every word you tell me, I'll even listen to every word you shout at me. Just, Lana, please let me in and I can make things better, I can make you better." I almost slam the door in her face but she stops it with her hand, "Lana, please."

I sigh loudly and let her inside. "I'm only doing this because I'm nice."

"Yes you are," Marina agrees.

I slump back on the couch and glance at the television and back at her, "Why do you want to talk to me? To tell me you're sorry?" I ask in a teasing voice. "To tell me 'you didn't mean to break us up'? I don't want to hear that shit so if you're going to say that then don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Marina turns around as if she was going to leave, then she takes a seat close to me. I scoot away from her. "I won't bite," she laughs. I inch further away, considering the horrific things that happened last time she came to my house. "I know my apology won't be accepted, but I'm sorry. It means nothing, but I was aching to say it and it might be a little too late but at least I feel better for saying it."

A muffled laugh mixed with a sigh escapes my mouth by accident. She looks a little confused so I say, "Typical."

"What?" she asks with annoyance flooding her voice. "I apologized. It feels better. How is this 'typical' of me? Apologizing doesn't seem pretty typical of me."

"No it doesn't seem typical, but you're doing it for yourself and not for me. Your apologies don't benefit me in anyway, you just said that it made YOU feel better, not me. It's been on your chest because of guilt, which seems a bit relaxing for me, but then you're just apologizing so YOU can feel better which is typical Marina, only thinking about herself, Marina the selfish bitch," I say. She takes a minute to think about what I just said to see if it's true so glance back at the television and I continue to watch my show, and at some point Marina joins in and watches it. I glance over and I can see the guilt in her eyes, she knew I was correct.

At the end credits we sit there awkwardly and Marina moves a little closer so again I move a little further. "So, what can I do to help you? I'll do anything to show you that my apology is sincere. I'm willing to make any magic happen because I want to make someone that's not myself happy for once."

Marina actually confessed that she has been selfish. I replay the moment in my head with no emotions or expressions on my face. I'm actually a little happy to hear Marina admit to something I made her see. "Well, you broke us up; you think you can glue us back together?" I hesitantly ask.

She shrugs her shoulders and glances off into the distance, dramatically thinking. "Well usually it depends how you guys broke up and how long you've been together. It was pretty tragic, I have to admit, but you have been with him for quite some time. It might take a few weeks; I think I can do it," She thinks out loud, "You're a good-looking girl, friendly, this'll be easy," She winks at me. "It might involve going out with another man to make him jealous because we aren't getting on our knees for a guy, now are we?" Marina asks me.

"No?" I assume that's the correct answer according to her music.

"Good girl. Now let's get you fixed up."