Mr. Wallis

Part 44

Successfully I had avoided everyone, even the she-devil mother of mine. All it took was me becoming that insecure person that could blend into the background within a millisecond.

During work, I simple did my work, and spoke to no one. If Alexis would come to chat, my pathetic butt would spin the chair around, dip over through the corner of the cubicle, and slide through the little passage that led to the next station. Yes, I know, desperate times call for desperate measures. Escaping people was nothing new to me.

At home I had far more hoops to jump through; my baby sisters would constantly ask why I was so gloomy, while my other little sister, Felicia, would leave her home to come and bang on my door till Hank pulled her back downstairs. My mother even had more than once tried to unlock my door with a butter knife. I never came out unless it was for work.

What had to break my heart far more than anything had to be ignoring the calls and messages from the three new friends that had done their best to try and make me come out my shell.

They did all they could, and still I failed. Love wasn't meant for me.

If I could be honest, I have always felt love to be a distraction from reality. Sliding the blanket over my head, I huddle with my back to the wall, then press play on my phone. Might as well make myself cry even more.

"Sing it Rosemary," I whisper as the tears slide out. It was okay to cry, I told myself. It was okay to drown in your feelings, especially when you have been holding them back, and at this point my heart couldn't contain it all in anymore.

I sobbed silently into my palms. Oh, this was all a joke. I was the idiot who never grew up. My useless heart had never grown out of that stage full of silly crushes, and butterflies. Admiting all my faults, I agree I was indeed naive, stupid, incapable of falling fully in love without getting hurt, and most of all I was dumb for trying to change. Things weren't that great before Mathew came along, but things certainly were never this bad.

Was this what having your heart break feels like? Because if it was, there was no way in hell I would let it happen again. I did not blame anyone but myself. I was a the one who didn't bother to look past that halo Dale always wore.

"He's just another jerk who can't listen for two freaking mintues," I mutter once my breathing returns to normal. A spark of fire flashes inside my chest as I try to become angry. Quickly as it lit up, my sadness washed it away.

Oh, I knew it. I knew it the second I was... I try recalling the year. I knew it the moment I turned fifteen that there was no chance I would be one of the lucky ones to find true love. I huff at the idea. Oh, true love, pfft! My foot smacks my drawer which then smacks back into the wall. Suddenly my box full of Mr. Wallis' letters fell down from the shelf.

My arms slowly lower the blanket off my back and slide down my face to wipe away the tears. "Kurt..." My eyes beg to read his letters. The entire shoe box was on its side, and every letter had spilled out across my floor. I would have jumped into it if it were a puddle.

After placing my back to the floor, I took my time sorting out the letters by date. I knew my favorite ones by the way they were decorated, and which stamp they had on the corner. Though I was never heard his voice, it was all I could hear as I reread passages.

"...the blasted duck flew down and smacked my cap right off! Oh, I am sure, if I were younger, I would have gave it a good shake!"

"...I had a dream about my sweet darling, how I miss her. You mentioned dreams are all sorted somewhere away in the stars, yes? Well I hope she is collecting them all for when we see each other again, then we both could replay them so she could see I never stopped thinking of her..."

"...another sad day? How fond of you they must be, dear. I would say something quite basic, like feel better, or hope all gets well, but in reality, we need those sad days to help us stop time and remind us that we have lived through a wide range of episodes and feelings, and we got through each single one. We cry to remember, not to forget..."

Kurt Wallis, you are the most wonderful man I have met on this earth. My lips curled into a smile as tears ran down my temples. I kept myself laid out on the floor as I read on and on about his little adventures, dreams and random thoughts. He was indeed a mixture of all three of his boys. Each one had something from their beloved father.

A breath escapes me as I let out a small laugh. Jack had his humorous temper, and an excessive amount of that Wallis charm. Peter, oh, we know he inherited those dreamy eyes, he could make anyone fall in love with him on accident, too.

I wet my lips as I recall everything Mathew was; a list was made, but so many of the things on it were added in by my own heart. He was the warmest one of them all, I could feel it; he hid everything inside that chest of his, and I knew that one day it would burst out. Mr. Wallis, Kurt, had told me he personally had scolded Mathew for supressing his deepest emotions.

Setting the letters on my chest, I stare to the ceiling. "You would be scolding me right now, too. Wonder what you'd say..." Turning my head to the side, I pick up a random letter. The universe was kind enough to give me some help.

Oh, I remember this one. How perfect does it suit the moment, thank you.

It was the letter he had sent me two years ago when we were discussing love. I had wrote him explaining that love was not real, that it was a simple set of feelings that we humans have wrapped our slippery fingers around and have claimed it to be real love, when in reality there were so many versions of it. Mr. Wallis wasted no time replying back.

"I would love to wack your foolish head with my cane. How could a human not believe in love? Love is, if anything, the grandess of reality...it may not last for many, but it is all real if felt from an honest heart. You will fall in love, dear, it might not last at first, love is a sickly thing when it comes to time...but if you gave it your all, then the love was real...you will go on, and love will always find you..."

Doing my best to stop my crying, I wished with all my heart to hug him. He had always been there to help me get through something, whether it was by answering my questions, giving advice, or babbling about some silly event that had taken place during his younger days...every single word had tasted as sweet as the last. He was the father I had wished been granted to me.

My voice trembled as my throat burned through each whisper. "I-I am so happy that...you came along. Th-thank you, thank you for everything."