Mr. Wallis

Part 56

Shutting my mouth to control my sobbing, I seal my eyes to let the tears sneak their way out. Hearing their voices again, and speaking about Kurt, it had hurt in all the ways losing a loved one did. The pain was not sharp, hot, or violent. It was empty, and dull. The dullest, brumal sword that could be placed into your chest.

"...filled with life, and light." Mathew finished, and I did my best to try and pry my eyes open, but they were swollen since the day I burst into a mess in the park. Even when I read Kurt's letter it had taken me almost an hour to fully finish because my eyes could not stay open. My heart had been suffering, and I didn't know what it wanted for a remedy.

Twinkling, the small drops slid down my cheeks after I finally managed to peek through my lashes.

Mathew.

My heart ran to try and touch him, but I held back, and parted my lips in surprise. I had not wanted him, nor his brothers to see me. All I wanted was to say good-bye to the dearest friend I had, and peacefully watch his service. I had already seen him go, that day in the park I knew it had to be real what I had seen, but I felt a dire need to be here at his burial.

I am here for Kurt. I am not here to deal with old emotions.

I step away as Mathew makes his way through the crowd of bright dresses, and suits. My dress wasn't comfortable, but their aunt had been kind enough to tell me that black wouldn't do. It had to be bright, and filled with color. So I had taken one of my mother's silly summer dresses, and adorned it just for Kurt. Barely protesting, my mother waved me good-bye as I dashed out the house, and into the cab.

"Okay, I am done here." I quickly spin around, and rush through the cemetery, away from the crowd of flowers. Thanking myself for not wearing heels, I quicken the pace, but slip, and bump into a headstone. "Ow, sorry," I apologize to the tomb, and keep going.

Hurry. Hurry. He's coming.

Without looking back I knew he was marching just as quick, and when he had a destination, Mathew would do whatever to reach it in time. Again I trip. Scolding myself, I get up, but smack into a brick wall.

"Oh," I look up to see his dark eyes. He reaches down and lifts me up slowly while examining my face; a bruised tomato. His thing lips part, but I won't allow him to say anything that would break me. "I have to go."

I try shaking away his hand, but he uses his other arm to pin me close. Silently he stares back.

"I-I just came here to give my respects," I cleared out some space, and tilted my gaze to his. Nothing. He was as silent as the graves. His calm brows did not match his eyes. There was so much going on in there, and I could not for the life of me guess what it was he wanted me to read.

He's probably wondering how I got here. Sighing, I look away, because the thought of the letter still burned. "In the letter...there was a ticket. H-he wanted me to come see him. Just once."

There it went. I started crying again. I don't know how, but I let myself be taken in by his arms. Sobbing into his chest, I ranted to myself about what I had been keeping inside.

"I-I didn't know whether to show up or not. I just didn't want to see him like this. I should have stayed home with his letters. should have just stayed away."

Mathew listened, and had his chin rested over my head. I could feel his jaw tighten to my words. He stood still as I relaxed in his hold. My breathing had toned down, and I picked at my lip while wondering what on earth I was doing being in his arms again.

Didn't I say I wouldn't do this?

Pressing my arm on his chest, I ignore his eyes, and back away. "I'm sorry. I have to go." Before I could say good-bye, Mathew's hand found its way up my neck, and over my cheek. "Mathew?"

The way he breathed and held me had my heart singing underneath all my blush.

Lord, shoot me now.

"How stupid I was for leaving my heart in America," he said with a smile. Leaning in he kissed my eye, and had our noses touching. "Yet here it is once more at my side."

Don't say those things to me. I fight the urge to reply, but my tongue wanted him. It wanted his name again. "Mathew, I...I don't know if I should say it, but," I wipe my eyes, and press my lips tight while thinking.

Say it. Just say it, Lania. Say it, and then you can just go. So what if he rejects you. You move on.

"I believe this is love, no?" Mathew cut through my head, and quickly my eyes popped, almost smacking his faded black ones.

"You love me?"

Turning his eyes down, he smiles. "Hmm."

"What?"

His eyes come back up. "How could I not have fallen for you, silly girl."

It was quiet for a moment as I tried to still my face, but I busted a chuckle. It was a little strong because of my sore throat. Even as I laughed, tears still crawled out and touched his hand.

"You love me?" I repeated tilting my head.

"I love you," we both said. My face covered itself in sheets of red.

Did I really say that?

"I love you what?" He teased as I tried to recover from my teary episode. Suppressing a smile, I shake my head. I couldn't believe he was making happy. Really happy, as if nothing bad had ever happened before.

"I love you, Mr. Wallis."

"Not quite what I was hoping for." He said, then pressed his lips onto mine.

God, I'm home. I curled my lips as his tickled their way in. The small peck turned into something far too close to that night near the lake.

Braking the lock, I cup his face, and let my heart sing for him. "I love you, Custard Pie."