I'm Not a Slut, I Swear

27. I'M NOT A SLUT I SWEAR : Say What Needs To Be Said

*** 2 WEEKS LATER ***

Rue

"Geez, have you ever met that guy over there? He seems totally capable of charming the underwear off of anygirl within a five mile radius." Angela asks, her eyes on Gerald. I clear my throat and tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, we go to school together. I heard that he doesn't actually sleep with any of these girls." At that Angela turns a soft grin onto me.

"You think you could get him to sleep with you?" At that my heart lept in my chest. I didn't want to sleep with someone for a dare. I didn't want to use my body for that, yet I knew that if I didn't agree Angela would talk about me. Behind my back. Like everyone else did. So I nod, forcing a smile onto my lips.

I cross the room and lean against the fireplace, lifting the beer cup to my lips. He doesn't even glance at me. His eyes are on something else across the room. I lean into him, brushing my breasts against his arm.

Whore.

At that he turns towards me and cocks his head to the side.

"What are you doing?" He asks, after a moment of just staring. I grin, and lean even closer, brushing my lips against his ear.

"Come up stairs with me?" I ask, in my most seductive voice. I pull away, expecting to see lust in his eyes, but I'm met with nothing. Nothing but a level of sadness and pity.

"No. I'm taken." I frown at that, a certain sting forming in my chest.

"Then, where is she?" I ask, and he gestures to a couple laughing directly across the room. She's leaning onto him, and Gerald drags his eyes away from them. I recognize the couple instantly as Alice and Riley. "You like her?" I ask, almost not believing it. Everyone just thought they were friends. The only friend she had when...when people started slut shaming her.

In truth I was the one who deserved to be slut shamed.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." He says, and I smile slightly at the love in his eyes. He didn't like Alice, he clearly loved her. Even if he didn't realize it.

"Can I at least drink with you? Since you're all by yourself."

"Oh?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. "Done trying to seduce me?" I shrug, lifting the cup to my lips.

"Cant seduce a man in love."

"I'm not a man yet. I'm not mature enough yet." At that I shrug.

"Maybe not but...the way you look at that girl is certainly mature." He seems startled at hearing that, but brushes it off easily. "What's your name?" He asks, and I shrug looking away.

"Doesn't matter." He frowns at that.

"You're an idiot. What's your name?"

"Rue." The way I say it doesn't sound confident. It sounds like I regret it. But can you even regret a name?

"Gerald." I nod, but don't tell him that I already knew what his name was. I don't tell him that his voice is soft. Too soft a voice for someone to be here at a party.

"Gerald, why don't you go talk to her?"

"Because I...I chose someone else over her and when I did chose her she was-"

"With him?" I

"Yeah." I pause, examining him. From a distance he seems fine, but up close-I shake my head, looking away.

"I don't think I'm the idiot." He nods, lifting his own cup to his lips.

"I can't really argue with that."

"So what, she hates you now?" He pauses, looking away from her and at me for the first time.

"I don't know. I hope not."

"Gerald you..." I shake my head before I can say anything else, and step away from him. "See you around and, fight ok? Don't be some sad boy watching the girl he loves from across the room with some other guy, ok?"

"I never said I loved her."

"Why would you? Anyone can just see it."

Alice

"You ok?" Riley asks me, as I down another cup of fruit punch. I blink up at him, frowning when I see nothing but doubles.

"I think someone roofied the punch."

"No, I mean about Gerald." I stiffen.

"What about him?"

"There's something going on between you, right? What is it? I've seen you two hanging out recently, but it's not even hanging out. It's just the two of you sitting at a table. Both of you on your phones because neither one of you has the guts to say what needs to be said."

"And what needs to be said?" He pauses, and looks away.

"I don't know, but you need to say it." I sigh, taking another sip of the juice. I know he's right, but I don't want to talk to Gerald. He...I just don't want to talk to him. Too many unresolved issues in my heart came up when he was mentioned. He chose Camille over me, and then broke up with her but things haven't been the same between us. Riley was right about the "hanging out". Yeah, if you could even call it that. It was so quiet I'd think I'd imagined him even sitting down next to me in the first place. It was like we both had things to say but were keeping it hidden. I'm ripped from my thoughts when Riley places a hand on my cheek.

"It's fine, ok? I'm sure whatever happens it'll be fine." I don't say anything for a moment. I don't tell him that that's not what I'm worried about. Instead, I nod and look down at my empty hands.

"I know." I don't say that when he says "it'll" he's talking about us. Our relationship. I don't say that. I don't address the fact that he's worried about us. Should he be? I shake my head mentally. I'm over thinking this. Or maybe, I'm just in over my head. I turn my head, just ever so slightly and my eyes widen instantly as they zero in on one boy.

One boy across the room in a hoodie, alone. 

And just like that the music blasting in my ears fades away and although I can still see everyone else, one person becomes strangely clearer than everyone else. As if he's the only one I need to see.

"Go, talk to him." Riley says in front of me, and for a moment I consider it. I consider going over there. Having a decent conversation with him. A conversation that didn't make things even worse between us. A conversation that revealed instead of keeping things hidden. Then, Gerald lifts his hand, waving at me and I take a step in his direction.

But for some reason I can't take another one.

The next 30 seconds happen in a blur.

I turn in a flash, and run out of the room. I almost don't hear my name being shouted after me. Almost. But I do, and I have an idea about who shouted it, so I don't stop running. I keep running, even when the cool fresh air hits my skin and moonlight shines down on me. Even then I keep running, even though I don't know where on Earth I'm going. All I know is that I'm running away.

I KNOW I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

Rue is actually a character in my story Scarlett's Scars ( it's a freaking awesome book ) Yes, I did accidentally write her in to this story, but whatever.

this chapter isn't edited ( like usual )

ready for the next chapter? 👽😈🍼💧