•Imagines and Stuff•

a.m.

it's 1:40 am and i wonder who cares. i lay in bed, covered completely by this blanket, even though i have to tuck my knees in a bit. i don't feel that tired anymore, i guess it was the coffee i shouldn't have had. oops.

it's 1:42 am and i am listening to music, i'm not sure what i am drowning out exactly. maybe my thoughts, maybe the noises from outside, i don't know. but it isn't working.

it's 1:43 am and i am lonely

it's 1:44 am and my cat is asleep but i am not.

it's 1:44 still and i am getting too warm

it's 1:45 and i turned onto my side and taking my head out from under the blanket.

it's 1:46 am and i don't know why i feel this way.

it's 1:47 and all i want is to feel something other than anxiety and sadness. i am tired of that pressing feeling in my gut and the constant shaking of my body. sometimes the shaking is bad enough that people wondering if i am shivering. i don't tell them it's because my body and mind are stressing out to the point of shaking. that wouldn't go over well.

it's 1:49 am and there is no words in my head that are making enough sense to put down.

it's 1:52 am i will fear the night again, i hope i am not my only friend.
stay alive,
stay alive for me.

it's 1:53 am and my head hurts.

it's 1:55 am, a little late to be up. i guess. i've been up later.

it's 1:56 am and i think i am running out of things to put down.

it's 1:58 am i ponder of something great my lungs will fill and then deflate.
i ponder of something terrifying

it's 1:59 am and i am bombarded with these thoughts of failure. of never adding up.

it's 2:00 am shout out from the bottom of my lungs. -it's drawing out my weakness
big boys don't cry, they don't ask why

there was a time when a moment like this wouldn't ever cross my mind

i want to be back on the ground, where my feet touch my shadow. take breath, and push the anger down, try to remember calmness.

it's 2:03 am and my music is full blast within my ears, doesn't seem like i am going to be getting any sleep anyways.

it's 2:05 am and i am still feeling lonely, like every other night. like every other day.

it's 2:09 am im all dressed up and naked. if it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine.

it's 2:09 am and my music isn't loud enough

it's 2:12 am and i turned on my fairy lights and grabbed my sketch book.

it's 2:12 am can you save my heavy dirty soul?

it's 2:30 am and i am drawing lips, opened, closed, smiling, frowning, you name it.

it's 2:55 am and i turned the lights off and put my sketch book away.

look at the wonderful mess we've made, we pick ourselves undone

now you've hit a wall, and it's not your fault my dear my dear oh dear

it is not enough to be dumbstruck

can you fill the silence? i can't take it anymore

3:00 am i am going to try and go to bed.

i can't take it anymore